Pornguard Part The First: Got Wood?

I'm going to be honest with you up front. I really have no idea how this particular series is going to turn out. Partly this is because the limited portion of the book I've read so far actually has the makings of a pretty decent fantasy tale. But mostly it's because going by the first chapter the hero might actually be secretly gay.

What do you suppose he's DOING in there?

The Shape Of Things To Come (Is Phallic)

It's been on my mind for a while now that I need some sort of project to encourage me to spend a bit more time away from the demon video games and actually generate some posts for this blog. I have, after all, been somewhat lax in my updating schedule over the past year. So thinking back over the sort of things I'd done in the past to what I'd had the most enjoyment out of and best reaction too, I quickly found myself coming to a rather unfortunate conclusion. Luckily for me though it's not like that particular series of books seems to be continuing. This is a blessing for both literature and sanity to be sure, but also for common decency. The truth is after recapping all three turgid volumes of the Shadow Guard trilogy I was starting to feel like I was picking on the author.

In my mind she looks like this. Only without the same literary talent.

And Yeti It Moves

Old school. That's the first thing that comes to mind after watching the latest Doctor Who Christmas special. Whilst undoubtedly a modern style episode, it is also one that is replete with old school flourishes. Almost redolent with tributes to the programs long and storied past. And yet never in an awkward, self indulgent way. No terrifying mess of 60's continuity problems dressed up like a script. Indeed, even with frozen motif this is about as far away from Attack Of The Cybermen as it's possible to get.

And let's be honest, that's hardly a bad place to be.

WHY MUST I BE?!?!?

2012: The Year That Didn't End

As I sit here, at the very end of the month of December in the year of someone's lord two thousand and twelve I cannot help but notice that the world did in fact NOT come to a terrifying cataclysmic halt. At least as far as I can tell. I mean, obviously there are bits that I can't see from here, but I'm fairly sure that if any of them had been destroyed someone would have mentioned it on twitter or something.

Thus I am faced with with the grim prospect of another year and the inevitable tedium it will bring. But first, let's review the inevitable tedium of the year gone by, as is our custom. As ever the criteria for inclusion is simply stuff that I got, did, played, watched, listened to or otherwise experienced in the past year. Whether or not it was actually released, or indeed bears the slightest relevance to that time period at all, is up to the whims of fate.

An Interuption

So, it's been a while since I've managed to write anything here. One could almost say I've been on hiatus. except of course that a Doctor Who fan can never use that word without an involuntary shiver of dread. Not to mention the fact that I have, sadly, not been recast as Sylvester McCoy.

So, you know... Sorry about that.

The fact of the matter is simply that I am a man with certain... Issues. And these issues have been, by and large, getting the better of me lately. So in order to get myself writing again, and maybe have a go at working out some shit in my head, let's have a talk about Video Game Addiction.

A Wrong Time Ago

It's a confusing time to be a Star Wars fan. The news that Lucasfilm has been bought out in it's entirety by Disney has, I'm sure, set the whole internet aflame with rumour  speculation, nerdrage and a great wailing and gnashing of teeth. This was, after all, pretty big news. Big enough that someone actually PHONED me up to tell me. I think the last time I got a phone call was in 1993. But no, this was important enough that they felt I needed to know right away. This of course did make for a rather odd remainder of the evening as myself and those I was with tried to finish our game of Braggart whilst wrestling with the sort of emotional confusion I imagine a closet furry feels after seeing Sonic The Hedgehog for the first time.

One does not simply type Sonic The Hedgehog into Google image search.

Terror From The Derp

It's been a while since I've posted anything here. Not that I haven't had a few ideas for things to wibble on about, but other stuff has been consuming my time. Firstly of course there was all that business with my xbox profile getting hacked, which required me to replay ALL THE GAMES. And then, I'd no sooner finished reordering my activity history when the earth was invaded by aliens.

"Hey guys, what's happening here?"

Yeah, XCOM happened. It happened SO HARD.

Unlucky For Some

So, my xbox profile got hacked this week. I have no idea how. I'm hardly in the habit of giving out my passwords to all the thoroughly convincing unsolicited emails I receive on a daily basis. Although since most of them are from banks and services I've never dealt with in my life that's hardly surprising.

Lovely. Wonderful.

Indeed, I'm hardly what you'd call prolific or gregarious in terms of my online activity, generally preferring to sit on my own on the corner ranting about the Myrka and giggling quietly. Nevertheless somehow I got targeted by T3H L33T HAX0RZ CR3W.

Kermit Vorhees

It is perhaps one of the greatest testaments to the quality of Doctor Who that it can produce episodes full of terrible writing, awful monsters and gaping plot holes that are still hugely enjoyable and entertaining. With the obvious exception of Fear Her.

Fuck you, fuck your crayons and fuck your episode.

Indeed, I think one of the best things about Doctor Who is the way in which has encouraged me to consider stuff like story structure, pacing, direction and all those niggly little things that people like to talk about when they're trying to sound clever. This doesn't mean that the show gets a free pass, far from it. But as with anything you really love you're usually willing to put up with a bit more then you otherwise might. However, even all that said sometimes they'll do something stupid that just kinda gets to you.

The Angels Take Manhattan is one of those times.