Doomcrawl Dungeon Chapter 9: Depths

Golric Icecarver stormed down the dank stone corridor, his mighty axe slashing left and right to cut down the hordes of lank haired verminous creatures that leapt from the dark shadows in never ending waves of rabid teeth.

Even in the far off frozen lands the barbarian called home there were rumors of this place. A dark dungeon of terrible perils and fabulous treasures. The whispers and legends had drawn him here, across the frigid seas, past strange cities, over the Mountains Of Terror, through the Forest Of No Return and at long last to the Cave Of Death and it's hidden entrance to this twisted labyrinth of unconquered evil.

Cry Havoc

Okay, is it just me or is anyone else thinking Curse Of Fenric after watching The Rebel Flesh?

Doomcrawl Dungeon Chapter 8: Heights

Maris awoke into a new world of pain. Being a skeleton he sometimes thought that being able to feel pain was a little odd, since he didn't have nerves. However such thoughts inevitably led to wondering how one might be able to see without the benefit of eyes, or question the ability of speech in the absence of a throat. Finally of course you started to wonder how it was you could even think without actually having a brain. Usually around this point Maris would find something else to think about, just in case he turned out to be right and couldn't actually think at all.

The eternal dilemma of the walking dead. I think therefore I might not actually be.

It was far to early and he far too powerful a headache to worry about complicated philosophical questions of existence. Well, it felt early anyway. It was kind of hard to tell from his current position Which appeared to be upside down in a mine cart. What was he doing there?

Is There A Doctor In The... Oh, That's Far To Obvious

Doctor Who fans LOVE a good debate about pointless minutiae. It's what we thrive on. One of the best, and indeed longest running is what exactly defines a companion. You know, as if that was an official title held by characters in the show. Is it based on number of appearances? On trips in the TARDIS? On longevity? Or more precisely popularity? So it's with great joy that we welcome The Doctors Wife, and can now start vociferously arguing whether or not Idris counts as a companion.

Or, you know, not. Either way is good.

Doomcrawl Dungeon Chapter 7: Hobbies

A thin, dry voice echoed down the musty corridors. A strange constant chattering that pervaded the very air of crypts. At the entrance it was barely a whisper, hardly audible over the sounds of ones own breath. But as you penetrated deeper in to complex of broken, dusty tombs the words slowly began to take on strange, alien shapes. Few could comprehend the mysterious chanting, but most who heard it inevitably succumbed to a rising paranoia. A deep seated dread of whatever unnatural invocation was being performed. Some fled from from the crypts entirely lest the babbling drove them mad. Others rushed ahead into the darkness, desperate to put a stop to the foul sibilant chanting once and for all.

Either way they tended to end up running into one of the many, many traps and ambushes that littered the necropolitan network of tunnels. Maris found the whole thing hilarious. Doubly so since, unlike most who walked these grim pathways, he actually knew what the voice was.

Doomcrawl Dungeon Chapter 6: Names

Brodnak looked down at the sodden, steaming pile of bones and rearranged his breaches into a slightly more dignified configuration. He turned to the patiently waiting spectre of death that stood in the corner of the room.

"So boss, what's this all about then?"

It wasn't every day that a walking skeleton got you out of bed first thing in the afternoon and asked you to piss in a sack full of bones. When Maris turned up things normally got more interesting, true. But the greenskin did sometimes wish they were a little less confusing.

Arrrrr You Sitting Comfortably?

The Curse Of The Black Spot would appear to occupy a rather unenviable position in the schedule this series. We've had the opening 2 parter, all grandeur and mystery. Next week we have the Neil Gaiman episode, whic promises even more grandeur and mystery. It probably won't do much to answer any questions, but it will certainly have something to throw fuel on the fire of debate and wild fan theories. And nestled in between these 2 massive events we have our poor overshadowed tale of pirates. Possibly the nearest thing we're going to get to a conventional Dr Who story (whatever that is) for a while.

How would one go about describing The Curse Of The Black Spot? Well, it's basically The Stones Of Blood, only without the lesbians. Or the stones. And there really isn't that much blood. But there was a woman who'd been spray painted a funny colour.

Also neither one seems to be dressed very practically

I can't say I had any particular expectations going into this one. I mean, we knew there'd be pirates, and a siren. But the whole alien spacecraft thing came as something of a surprise. It just goes to show how effective stuff can be if it hasn't been spoilered up to the yardarm before broadcast. You really didn't see it coming.

There are some fun ideas here, though it's not entirely flawless. Certain elements did seem a little overplayed. There's the Doctor being wrong about almost everything for example, although I freely confess it does make a refreshing change. And this is the first time in ages we've gotten to see the Doctor actually doing some proper science. Hypothesize, test, revise theory. Also Rory's latest death seemed a tad overlong. I'm really starting to wonder if Arthur Darvill has some bizarre clause in his contract stating a minimum number of times he has to die per series. If this goes on he may end up as the Kenny of Doctor Who. Or maybe Bluebottle.

What timey-wimey is it Eccles?

The only other real criticism I'd make would perhaps be the Siren itself. Green women aren't really inherently scary after all. Just ask Captain Kirk.

Behold the face of terror

Overall though we have a nice story that's doing it's own thing and doing it fairly well. Of course only time will tell how involved any elements from this episode become in the overarching doom, but right now it feels like more of a break. It reminds you of the ongoing story, but not obtrusively, and is content to get on telling a tale of pirates, paper cuts and alien bogies. I do wonder if it didn't get brought forward to introduce the whole multidimensional thing a bit earlier though.

I believe romp is the appropriate term here.

Is This The Silver Lining?

This morning I learned an important lesson about loneliness, isolation and the deeply seated human need for affection.

It doesn't always pay to bump your site to the top of the search results.

Doomcrawl Dungeon Chapter 5: Relief

"Aaaaahhhh" Sighed Brodnak contentedly, directing the acrid and brightly coloured stream of urine onto the contents of the sack. The bones hissed softly under the onslaught.

Brodnak Headsplitter was an old drinking buddy of Maris'. Some may wonder how it is a skeletal undead without a single soft fleshy organ could go drinking, let alone get drunk. These people are obviously unfamiliar with Orcish brewing techniques. The simple fact was that, generally speaking, it was only the dead that could actually survive a night drinking with Orcs. Orcs could brew some sort of drink out of just about anything. And, being Orcs, they usually did. Leaves, moss, sticks, entrails, unidentifiable pools of slime, rocks, poisonous spiders.... It all went in. What came out was unpredictable at best, but as any Orc would tell you, that was half the fun.

Doomcrawl Dungeon Chapter 4: Meat

The unmistakable smell of roasted meat filled the air of the small room, rising above even the insalubrious stench of Skittering Rat-Thing. The other thing that filled the air was the far less appetizing sound of Skittering Rat-Things eating. Cooked meat might well have been considered a delicacy to the primitive creatures, but they certainly weren't going to let that stop them from stripping the elven corpse as quickly, and most important, LOUDLY as possible.

Maris was fairly glad he didn't have a stomach. He wasn't quite sure how the organ might have reacted to the terrible wet cacophony. Still, it's probably hard eating with your mouth closed when you've got that many teeth.

Question Time

Yesterday was (apparently) The Day Of The Moon, the second part of the opening story for this new season of Doctor Who.  In attempting to talk about the episode there will inevitably be some degree of spoilers, so if you haven't seen it yet BUGGER OFF.

Is he gone?