One Million Pounds B.C.

So yesterday I had occasion to pop into the local tesco on my way home from work. After 2 days of fasting I had quite naturally decided to eat ALL THE SAUSAGES. Only I needed rolls. But I'm not here to talk about sausages.

Just for a change.

No, see what I want to talk about is what it was I found confronting me on the way in:

Feel free to start spontaneously singing Misfits songs when you see this. I did.

Big honking Dinosaur skull for only 99p? FUCK YEAH!!!....

Or is it? Let's find out.

Enemies Of The Chocolate Business

Nerds, Loners and countrymen, lend me your ears. I come to ignore my issues, not to bang on about them at tedious length. Just because there are some people who apparently can't actually be happy just being happy unless they take a day out to rub everyone else's faces in it at the behest of an industry that JUST BY PURE COINCIDENCE happens to manufacture the ultimate comfort food doesn't mean that the rest of us have to give them the satisfaction of us spending the weekend locked in a darkened room rocking back and forth and sobbing quietly to ourselves.

Seriously, fuck those guys. In the strictly metaphorical context.

You know the sort of metaphor I'm talking about here.

This is of course a rather long winded and roundabout way of saying that rather than giving in to the constant nagging bullshit in my head, I elected to spend the weekend in a slightly constructive manner and have been catching up on some painting at long last.

Down In The Park Part 5: A Friend Called 4?

Ye gods, have I REALLY been going on about Jurassic Park for five fucking posts? Even worse, have I been been wibbling on at such length purely because I just wanted to talk about A TRAILER?


I really do let my enthusiasm get the better of me sometimes don't I? Anyway, let's see if we can't get this over and done with so I can actually go and get on with my life. Well, I say life. I probably mean washing up, but close enough.

Down In The Park Part 4: Killed By Numbers.

I gotta admit, I've always had a bit of a soft spot for Jurassic Park 3. Partly I suppose because this is the film that introduced the Spinosaurus into the popular conciousness. Or, in my case, the unpopular conciousness. Then were the awesome happy meal toys that I managed to amass nearly a full collection of.

These things were SO COOL. I wish I still had them.

Mostly of course the main thing that's great about Jurassic Park 3 is simply that it ISN'T Jurassic Park 2.

Down In The Park Part 3:Where The Yes Men Meet.

There are several natural reactions that one may experience after being forced to sit through the entirety of Jurassic Park 2. Obviously there's a certain amount of relief, now that it's over. There's the natural disgust at having experienced such an inept bit of film making. There'll be a certain amount of rage at the squandering of an otherwise promising concept, and bafflement at how anyone ever thought this could be a good idea.

But mostly there will be disbelief. Because as the credits roll we see this:

When in what we were really expecting was:

Look him up if you don't get the reference. I can't be expected to do all  your homework for you.

Probably followed by:

Yeah, I know the font isn't an exact match. Sue me. Or the guy who made the font. Either's good.

Down In The Park Part 2: I Was In A Car Crash Or Was It A Tree?

So, as previously discussed we're having a Jurassic Park marathon. For reasons that can only be described, if we're being honest, as self destructive masochism. Only with dinosaurs.

To be fair, it wouldn't be the first time.

However, for all the pain that is to come we do have to start out with one simple fact: Jurassic Park 1 is actually really good.

Down In The Park Part 1: A Different Face.

Just this week there was released a new trailer for Jurassic World, but also a teaser for a Lego Jurassic Park game. And the strange thing is, I find myself looking forward to these quite a bit. The problem here of course is WHY this is so strange. I mean, Lego games are generally considered to be fun times, right? And in the new movie all the dinosaurs will have an extra 300 attack points.

Unless the puny human protagonists have a Mystical Space Typhoon handy, anyway.

Card Games On Motorcycles

I was recently given the somewhat dubious privilege of arranging for a sealed deck style Yu-Gi-Oh tournament for a friends birthday. And, as is often the case when I end up being in charge of these things I like to come up with some special rules and features to make things a little more interesting for everybody. And this time around my major inspiration came from the fact that I'd been playing a LOT of Stardust Accelerator. For those of you who are unaware, that's a 5D's era game. So you know what that means, right?

Quite Possibly the 2014th Years End Review You've Read This Week

Urg, it's that time again. For some reason I feel it customary to write some manner of year end summary / review thing. But I have to admit I've been putting it off somewhat. It's not that I haven't really had the time, it's just that, for me personally, this past year has been absolutely fucking AWFUL. So it's kinda hard to maintain the whole cheery "look at all this cool stuff" vibe when being confronted with the start of a new year only makes you wonder if, having barely scraped through the last one, THIS will be the year when you finally kill yourself.

This is why I'm no fun at parties. New years are like birthdays: only celebrated by those who actually have a future.

Still, despite having a full on breakdown I suppose the year wasn't entirely bereft of tawdry consumption, so let's have a look at some of that and just pretend that I didn't bring up the whole inevitable self-termination thing, shall we?