It's Coming Down: Part 7 - Hydro-Electric Bloomers

Hey guys, I was playing Kororinpa earlier today and I've totally collected all the green gems! How cool is that, now all I've got to do is complete Mirror Mode and... Oh. You don't want to hear about that do you? You want me to talk about THE BOOK. Don't you? You bastards. It's like you enjoy my suffering or something. Oh well, I suppose someones got to.

So yeah, the shocking cliffhanger from the last chapter is resolved in exactly the way you'd expect, making that one from Dragonfire look like fucking Shakespear. I mean at least that was meta. Anyway Sancho and company decide to team up. But somewhat GRUDGINGLY, just in case you'd forgotten that there is DRAMA happening. To be fair it easy to do sometimes. Still, now that the superfriends have teamed up, there's only one way to proceed, one way to hunt down the notorius killer and bring him to justice before he kills again:

Take Binto out on a date.

The sound you just heard was my head repeatedly colliding with the wall. I mean, REALLY Sancho? You honestly think this is appropriate behaviour? When the Science Patrol found out Geronimon was going to resurect a monster army and destroy the world did they take a day out to gang rape Fuji? NO. They went and got on with the goddamn job. Find the monster and blow it the fuck up.

So, proving himself less capable than a group of people who's very job is to get bailed out by Ultraman EVERY SINGLE WEEK Sancho gets a tatto. Because Binto wants him to. Do I really need to point out the ways in which this a bad idea? You're in Victorian times dude. No Laser surgery for when you come home to find her blowing the milkman. Then she decides she wants to go for a smoke. As in A Hookah. Because everybody loves opium. Anyway the whole affair is just a pathetic excuse for YET MORE sexual tension. Because we're so not bored of that by now. The pages and pages of longing gazes and taught shoulders and heaving bodices and oh look theres goes my dinner. Again. Certainly helps you loose weight this book. Still, this part does give us a frightening glimpse into Bintos so called mind. After indulging her whims twice thus far Sancho asks her what she wants to do next. And she says, quite naturally, that she wants to go to an autopsy. That's right. Her idea of a fun night out is watching dead people have the guts hacked up. How romantic. Sancho for some reason is not exactly taken with this idea, so instead she starts subtly hinting that maybe a good fucking would be an alternative idea, but Sancho STILL isn't quite getting the message just yet that she is FULLY up for it. Perhaps if she'd just say anal we could move on. But he's all " yeahbutnobutyeahbutnoetc" and frankly I'm having difficulty with the whole concept of a man cockteasing a woman to this extent. It just doesn't seem natural. I mean, even I'd have gotten the hint by now, what with all the uncalled for frotage. Still, it is not yet to be, and so we head home for the perfect end to a perfect day.

And no, I don't mean the book spontaneously combusted. I mean Binto gets rejected from medical school. Cockblocked by Sancho once again. Quite why who can tell. maybe he thinks she'll get syphillis from all those whores she hangs out with. But suprisingly she ain't all that impressed with having her lifes dream ruined and exits stage right with a mighty "NNNNNOOOOOOO!!!!".

Moving on with his masterplan to confuse the fabric of reality itself, Sancho tries to marry her off again. Is anyone else getting this? Seriously, is this actually how women think men think? I can't keep up anymore. I'm gonna go look at penguins or something. It'd make as much sense as anything else right now.

Right, I'd feel better for that if I didn't have to keep going with the rest of this post. So yeah, sancho invites some stiffs over but Binto is feeling all rebellious and freaks them out by having boobs and talking about maggots. In that order. So they fuck all fuck off to look at the penguins as well, because let's face it; Antarctica seems like good career move after being in this for even a paragraph. Now plot happens again as it is revealed that the old bag who has been holded up in her room for the past few chapters and indeed hasn't actually been mentioned by me at all yet on account of being so vital to the plot turns out to actually be old man jenkins from the old amusement park! And he would have gotten away with it too, were I not being feacetious. It's actually sancho Jr in a dress. He was the turkey all along.

I know. What? Why? Who? But...? Whatever. Just go look at the penguins again for a bit. So HIS master plan was to... Wait for it... keep Sancho distracted so he could go kill the bad guy that he himself had already catagorically stated they had no chance against alone. And to do this he was camping out in Sanchos house dressed as an old woman.

And STILL it goes on. The dark mysterious past is now revealed!! Sancho Jr was a kill-stealing bitch. Thats it. Thats the deep dark mystery of DRAMA.Junior once killed some guy that Sancho was gonna kill behind his back and now.... Who knows. Frankly Junior seems to be a lot more fussed about it than Sancho. I frankly stopped caring a while back.

So now we return to the magical adventures of Binto. The fact that this actually comes as a relief compared to what we've just witnessed is amongst the more disturbing realisations I've had, but let's press on. So yeah, she fucks off back to the hospital, as nothing helps you forget your man troubles quite like being elbow deep in suppurating guts and venereal disease. Anythings better than whatever's passing for the plot at the moment.

After a hard days scrubbing the crabs off she gets an invite out to the nice handsome doctors pad. Though it's from his mum, which is a little creepy, but whatever. So it's off to yet another grand ball or banquet or whatever. But then Sancho turns up. Shock, horror, whatever. So long story short after some tedium Doctor guy proposes but she of course turns him down since she's still wet for Sancho. But now she's all upset and confused, oh noes. But then who should enter stage left once more but Sancho himself! And he dresses her up as a guy and takes her off to a secret late night autopsy at the club. because I guess they had those back then? But please don't have another embolism just yet, because if you do you'll miss out on the fact that seeing all that cold offal has fired her up and she's now dripping like a leaky church roof. Seriously. Theres yet more lustful frotage, and then they're FINALLY both on the same wavelength. The "we are gonna go home and FUCK LIKE CRAZED MONKEYS" wavelength.

But first! Binto must stop by the Nurses dormitory. You know, where she's been staying after Sancho ruined her life? But if she can't be bothered to remember, why should we care? She's got to let them know she's off for a night of crazed monkey sex with her legal guardian, and not out being killed like a common whore. Also she should probably borrow a mop and a bucket, but I digress.

But my Sancho sense is tingling!! It's the Ripper!! He is here, in this very hospital! And then Sancho gets arrested on an annoymous tip off that he's actually the Ripper. Yeah, just like that. And being an ancient immortal whatnot of unmatched power and brooding he just goes with the cops. Because I guess he can't do "I'm not the droids you're looking for" with a raging hard on. Then, as Sancho goes to jail, goes directly to jail, does not pass go, does not collect £200 someone blows up a brewery and Binto is stuck helping out at the hospital, unable to go for help. At least there's one character with some idea of what an effective plan is. So then SHOCKINGLY Binto gets kidnapped by the ripper after nipping out for a pie. Though that may just be an excuse. Personally I'm inclined to think she was looking for aquite corner to rub one out in after witnessing the evenings carnage. Jack has apparently been watching Silence Of The Lambs again, since Binto wakes up at the bottom of a pit. She doesn't rub the lotion on her skin though. She gets a handful of cryptic bullshit from Jack, and then she gets gassed. Fucker has grenades apparently.

And then she gets rescued. Just like that. One paragraph getting a lungful of mustard gas at the bottom of a pit with a serial killer leering down at her, Next line waking up fine and dandy in the arms of cavalry. Which is the Countess Von Bitch and Sancho Jr. So much for Sancho, you may think. But no, he turns up 5 minutes later, grabs Binto and sends the other two off to fight the big bad on their own, since nothing could possibly go wrong there. Anyway, suddenly he realises that she's seen and heard too much since he was doing whatever it is his mystical powers do. It's not really stated, but he's all "DON'T LOOK AT ME!!!" And threatens her with more amnesia. This obviously doesn't help much since even Binto can work out he's already done that once before. 

But anyway, being pathologically depraved, she's still up for a fuck. And let me tell you, Jack has NOTHING on Binto. She straight up says she wants to fuck Sancho. So that when she goes off and marries the Doctor she can think about Sancho when they're fucking. Seriously. What kind of twisted evil person do you have to be to think like that?  She openly states she will marry another man and callously use him as a substitute. At his point it's not really suprising that Sancho suddenly and mysteriously dissapears. I mean, the woman is clearly deranged. Whilst he may not keep rabbits he does have a sizeable houshold staff, and would you want to come to a bunch oh deal maids simmering away?

And on that note we may at last end this particular installment. On the plus side we're still not entirely sure how dodgy Sancho Jr is. On the downside EVERYTHING ELSE IN THESE FOUR CHAPTERS.

There is however good news. I now have but one installment left to go. The finale approaches. Will Sancho escape the crazed stalking of Binto? Will anyone tell that poor Doctor to stay the fuck away? Will Mary Kelly finally get her walk on, carried off appearence? Who will survive and what will be left of them?

Tune in again, same bat-time, same bat-channel.