By Any Other Name (Part 2)

So, if you'll recall last time I was engaged in what can only be described as a painfully protracted attempt at a character assassination of one Rose Tyler. A person who is NOT EVEN REAL. Why, exactly would I wish to spend hours of my life complaining on the internet about a character from a tv show that I somehow profess to enjoy despite the amount of complaining I do?

Well, for a laugh. Believe or not I do really love Doctor Who, but that doesn't mean I have to blind to it's faults. And since I love it I of course enjoy thinking and talking about it. And whats the easiest thing to do about anything? COMPLAIN.

So, here I go again. Rose Tyler, a companion who on the scale of 1 to Adric turns it up to 11.

Series 2. Oh dear, series 2. There are, sadly, many problems with the second series of the revived show. Most notably that it was crap. Quite how it manages this when you consider how many great stories it actually has is rather puzzling. I think it's something to do with front loading most of the good stuff and the existence of Fear Her, which is the only story in the entire history of Doctor Who that causes me physical pain.

Throw me in the Timelash and exile me to the Web Planet but please stop it with this disney shite.

Still, before we get onto the series proper we have The Christmas Invasion first. Now, I'll admit it's not a bad idea having the companion a bit freaked out by a regeneration. In the past some have taken it fairly well after all, which might not be considered an entirely normal reaction. Anyone would think they'd been off witnessing the infinite wonders of time and space or something. It does have to be said though that Rose does take it a little far. What with the weeping and wailing and mooning and pining and generally hanging around doing very little. Oh wait no, she did manage one thing. She managed to make a complete tit out herself trying to talk to the Sycorax. I know it was a high pressure situation and everything, but that speech descended into total farce with what I can only describe as a deliberate rapidity. It just stands as further proof that she really can't seem to achieve ANYTHING on her own. Always relying on others for help, even when those others are flat out unconscious coma patients.

Still, let's move ahead (albeit with trepidation) into series 2 proper. First up is New Earth. Not the worst episode ever, although it is rather spoiled by the retarded resolution and forced happy ending. But what of the hapless miss Tyler? Well, to be fair we can't be too harsh as she does spend most of the episode possessed by Cassandra. So let's just gloss over the fact that her only major contribution to the plot is getting captured AGAIN and move on to the next episode, shall we?

Ah, Tooth And Claw. So what does she manage to do here? What's that? Get captured you say?

Get used to the view

I'm shocked. No really, I am. Anyway we shouldn't be too harsh here. After all, this one of the few time she actually manages to escape. Also worth noting it's here that she really starts exhibiting what I'll be restrained and call a rather offensive cockiness. After all it might be impolite to label it a callous disregard for the fatalities around her. Never mind going out of her way to piss of the bloody QUEEN. Over the course of the series this attitude will go from tempting fate all the way up to flicking fate in the nutsack and insulting it's mother.

Moving forward in time and space we arrive at School Reunion. An episode with many highlights, none of which it has to be said are Rose. There's that terrible attitude on display again. That selfish sense of absolute entitlement. Once again we are asked to believe how SPECIALY SPECIAL Rose is. And once again I'm really not seeing it. Never mind the whole slagging match and dismisiveness towards Sarah Jane Smith (a woman who I actually can buy as being special having actually witnessed her accomplish something useful at least once) the real telling part is that look she gives when Mickey tags along at the end. You know the one, like someone just shat in her mouth? Yeah. Seriously. Still leading the poor guy on and only using him when it suits her. There are many words to describe someone like that, none of them suitable for a family audience. On the bright side though she doesn't get captured for once.

Still, at least she's managed to suck it up and polite in time for The Girl In The Fireplace. Only it's here that the problems REALLY start. See, over the course of this series we are quite clearly supposed to believe that Rose and The Doctor are totally hot for each other. Like totally, completely, obviously going at it. However at no point do we see anything that makes this believable. Now, I can buy Rose fancying the Doctor in the times she's not bust picking up strangers, emotionally abusing Mickey or having rather improper urges towards deceased family members, but I simply don't buy the Doctor fancying Rose at all. And it's not that I'm going that whole "Time Lords don't do that, never have done, never will do and obviously reproduce asexually since the Doctors had kids" bit, because here I can TOTALLY buy him copping off with Madame De Pompadour. Which does seem a bit of an odd story to have here. The whole series is, on one level, a lengthy clumsy attempt at foreshadowing Roses departure which is terrible and yadda yadda yadda. Only we go straight from a story about one of The Doctors past companions straight into one about him falling in love. This couldn't do less to set Rose up as a super special apotheoses of companionhood if it tried. Not that it has to. Hangs around doing nothing, gets captured, whines, doesn't help much, roll credits. Pretty much standard.

And then we fall through a hole in good writing and arrive at the Rise O The Cybermen / The Age Of Steel. Since the purpose of this article is to unceasingly rip on Rose I won't digress into a long rant about how parallel universe stories are inevitably crappy ways of destroying any sense of consequence and rendering character deaths MEANINGLESS. I won't even mention how the conceit of using a parallel universe to explore varying consequences and divergent timelines is completely redundant in a show about time travel. Instead I'll come back to the chilling phrase which forever haunts anyone who thinks about these episodes:

Perverted Dadlust.

There, I said it. I mean, seriously. Forget everything else. Just that in itself is enough. I've often said about hitting Rose in the face with a shovel. It's here that we see that concept crystallize. As soon as she starts lustily staring at that poster and whinging and wibbling about going of to see her NOTdad the Doctor should have just pulled out a shovel and belted her in the face with it. It would have saved a lot of problems. I mean, REALLY. Last time you went off to see your dad you NEARLY DESTROYED THE UNIVERSE. So really, what's the wost that can happen?

You will be like us. Except that one. We don't want that one.

Oh yeah, everybody's dead. AGAIN. So anyway, aside from nearly getting killed by the Cybermen and being REALLY REALLY UNNECESSARILY CREEPY with her paralleladad, what does she actually do here? Oh yeah. She has a phone. Call me old fashioned, but somehow that just doesn't strike me as being particularly impressive. Still, on the bright side at least Mickey finally gets away from the manipulative bitch.

Oh, did I say that out loud? Sorry.

Moving on once again we come to the Idiot's Lantern. An episode where Rose can't actually be bother to wait for the bad guys to come capture her so she goes to volunteer. Doesn't wait, doesn't tell anyone where she's going, doesn't take one single sensible precaution. Just turns up and says "Hi! Can I be captured now please?" I mean, seriously. What the fuck? Isn't a good job that a bad person dies every bad thing they've ever done is magically undone?

HATE THATSHITHATE THATSHITHATE THATSHITHATE THATSHITHATE THATSHITHATE THATSHITHATE THATSHITHATE THATSHITHATE THATSHITHATE THATSHIT......

Sorry. But that sort of thing bugs me.

Next up it's The Impossible Planet and The Satan Pit. An interesting 2 parter in that Rose once again achieves nothing useful. I mean, shooting out the window on a ship that's already falling into a black hole? That's not really a great move unless you happen to be psychic or badly written. There is, put simply, no way that she'd even know that doing that wouldn't just asphyxiate the lot of them, let alone that a dramatic and implausible rescue was mere minutes away. Oh, and the Doctors whole "I believe in her" speech? What the FUCK is that supposed to mean? I believe she's immune to gravity? Or I believe we're all going to die as soon as I break the magic vase?

Then it's Love And Monsters. Oh dear. Honestly this episode isn't as bad as many would say. Well, up to the last 10 minutes when the "Monster" is finally revealed. Then it really is. So yes she's not really in this one (though sadly her whore of a mother is). She just turns up at the end to be a bitch to a poor innocent guy being menaced by moldy caricature of a comedy yorkshireman. Nice.

And now the moment we've all been dreading. I'm going to have to talk about Fear Her. To recreate the experience of watching this episode simply spend 445 minutes smashing your head into a wall whilst screaming "WILL YOU STOP IT WITH THIS DISNEY SHITE!!!" over and over and over again.

Calm blue ocean calm blue ocean calm blue ocean....

Frankly I can't even process Roses involvement in this episode because everything else in it is such utter, utter BOLLOCKS. I mean, downed alien love ships? Who the hell is supposed to buy this shit?

WHO?!?!?

And then, at long last, we have Army Of Ghosts and Doomsday. And to a great extent your reaction to these episodes will depend on whether or not you'd actually bought into Roses supposed specialness or not.

Needless to say I hadn't.

So in Army Of Ghosts she hangs about a bit, fails to infiltrate anything (which frankly has more to do with her chronic inability to bluff rather than any psychic defense) and, lo and behold, GETS CAPTURED. Though that doesn't last long I admit. Because then the Daleks turn up and double capture her. Yay? Then, Doomsday. It's not really a very accurate title for her. I mean yeah, Daleks and Cybermen and dodgy plotting oh my. But for all the vaunted DOOM and portentous monologuing from beyond the grave it's not really, in the final analysis, very doomy. Is it? It's more like "well I'm alive and well and everyone's safe but I didn't get my own way so WAAAHHH..."day.

Let's break it down. So, she keeps the Daleks from exterminating any MAJOR characters for a bit, which is a bit of a plus mark I admit. And then.... She hangs around until the final off button is set up. Because let's be honest, it's really not so much a resolution as a convenience to keep the run time down. Then, after being sent off to safety with her family she tantrums her way back to get in the way. Do I need to point out that at the end of the last episode those levers were operated remotely? Quite why they have to be operated manually now is never quite explained. But whatever. Fine, everyone's hanging on dramatically and the physics gives up and goes home. Now, again this isn't the place to piont out questions like how is the void a void if it's got stuff in it? But we have a rent in the fabric of reality which is pulling with enough force to yank cybermen into the air at tremendous speed from several thousand miles away. And I'm willing to grant that it's pulling with less force on the heroes as they're allegedly less clagged with whatever. However, the lever disengages and the flow of Daleks slows somewhat. It doesn't stop, it just slows. It's still easily enough to pull a couple of tons of protesting death machine which is quite capable of flying on it's own thank you very much uncontrollably towards it. It's still pulling Rose and the Doctor towards it. So Rose grabs the lever and pushes... away from this? I'm no expert, but how exactly is it you're supposed to exert force in one direction when being pulled in the opposite? I mean, I wouldn't mind so much, but if they'd just positioned the levers facing the other way then everything would make a lot more sense.

Anyway, so she TRAGICALLY loses her grip and goes hurtling towards certain death. Which I admit did put a smile on my face. And the her not dad teleports in and grabs her. Mere feet from the fully open breach. Mere feet from the fully open breach which we have been explicitly told will suck him in to his death as having crossed over he too has clag. Never mind the considerable force with which she hits him. Never mind the simple undeniable fact that HE HAD NO WAY OF KNOWING TO DO THAT.

Seriously. Pissing in the face of common sense and physic simply because you don't have the balls to kill off a character. All that build up and then a nonsensical anticlimax which makes retrograde ejaculation look like fucking bukkake.

So yeah, she sulks, the Doctor broods a bit and then we have that whole beach bit. It's interesting to note that it's this that really made me appreciate just how great the music is in the new series. As despite actually HATING the character by this point the music does manage to carry some sense of sadness. Which is just as well. As despite all the acting going on the simple fact remains that I can't credit the whole romance angle between the Doctor and Rose as anything more than the deluded obsessions of a borderline sociopath. She doesn't want the Doctor any more than she wants Mickey or Adam or Captain Jack. She just wants to made to feel special.

And at the end of the day that's the problem with the character. We're supposed to believe she's something that she simply isn't. She's not some sort of uber companion. She's not any sort of romantic interest. She's not actually competant or even self assured. She's a needy, whiney bitch at the end of the day. I mean, we could maybe let her off if she at least manages to save the universe more my times than she tries to destroy it, but she can't even break even on that score.

By Any Other Name (Part 1)

I've recently been re watching the various series of the "new" Doctor Who (shocking I know), and I was struck by one particular fact that had never really occurred to me before:

Rose Tyler is actually completely useless as a companion.

Now, I'll admit I've ever been a massive fan of the character. I always felt that she went from being fairly alright in series 1 to teeth gratingly irritating in series 2, but it was nothing that a swift blow to the face with a shovel couldn't fix. But it wasn't until I actually started thinking about what the character actually achieves in the various episodes that I came to realize just how OBJECTIVELY crap she was as well. Maybe not quite Dodo, but certainly nothing special.

So I'd been toying with writing up some sort of overview setting out the case. And the I find out that a recent poll has voted the character the best companion of all time. This simply will not stand. So, consider this my rebuttal. Take that, internets!

Now, you need to bear in mind that the major problem Rose presents to us as a character is that she is supposed to be SPECIAL. Ultra hyper mega SPECIAL. Were she not built up as this supreme apex of the art of being a companion and the Doctors one true everlasting ultimate mega super ultra hyper combo fanfic wank fantasy then we wouldn't really have a problem. But sadly she is. And whilst we are frequently TOLD this, we're not really SHOWN it much. If at all.

Truly, a picture really does paint a thousand words. Even if all of them are just "Doctor"

So, let's take a look at the evidence, series by series, episode by episode. Series 1 is, at first glance where she's at her best (or least annoying depending on your point of view). And, it should go without saying that the following rambling semi coherent vitrolic screed may contain SPOILERS. But honestly if you haven't seen any of this by now there is something wrong with you.

Now we start of well enough in Rose, with our titular heroine swinging on the end of a rope to save the day. Even if she does wait until the dramatically requisite percentage of the population have been gunned down in the streets. But that's just nitpicking really. She does the whole investigation thing and all that, which is fair enough. But it's also here that we begin to see one of the major unlikable facets of her personality emerge: Her tendency to treat Mickey (Who it is worth pointing out is supposed to be her BOYFRIEND) like complete shit whenever it suits her. Now I'll admit that at this stage Mickey is still very much the comic relief muppet, but still... The guys been violently kidnapped by aliens, cut him a little slack. No? Okay. Being freaked out by hostile alien forces is the reaction of weaklings. Remember this, because it will become important in the next paragraph.

Episode 2, The End Of The World. In which Rose is completely freaked out by FRIENDLY Alien forces. The she gets locked in cupboard. That is her sole contribution to proceedings. It's kind of weird when you realize it, but literally she just turns up, freaks out, gets captured and contributes nothing to the rest of the plot whilst the Doctor heads off to get wood (sorry, couldn't resist).

Still, moving forward (or backward depending on your relative time zone) we move on to the Unquiet Dead. A fine tale where Rose..... Ummmm.... Gets captured. Again. Now, there's nothing wrong per se with getting captured. There is a long and fine tradition of getting captured in Doctor Who. Why, back in my day we'd spend whole episodes getting captured, escaping and then getting captured again. But then again we'd also contribute SOMETHING else to the script. You know, overhear an important conversation, steal a key, scream at a monster. ASSIST the Doctor in some capacity. And here Rose manages to, what, patronise the locals? It's not like she even really lead the Doctor to the house, since all he needed to do was follow the hearse. Still, never mind eh?

Next we move onto the 2 parter of Aliens Of London / World War 3. In which Rose gets chased and locked up. It's not exactly getting captured, but it's close. Other than that she's.... just sort of there. Not really contributing anything unique to the proceedings. Aside from her ghastly mother, but that's a different character entirely (more or less) contribution by association isn't really much to go on. It's also worth taking a moment to consider the return of Mickey here. Who proves himself to be far more of a useful character and indeed a better person. He's the one actually taking action and saving the day. He's also starting to demonstrate that for whatever reason he really loves Rose, whilst she's still quite content to brush him aside.

It's Dalek up next, and even I have to admit that this is a pretty good story for the character as it's one of the few times she actually DOES something. You get that nice bit where she's talking the Doctor down from his Dalekcidal attitude. Of course, the whole thing was all her fault as she was the only one dumb enough to touch the Dalek in the first place and is thus directly responsible for all those deaths, but someones got to get the party started so we'll give her the benefit of the doubt.

The we have the Long Game. Seriously, can ANYBODY tell me what the hell Rose does is this episode? How does she move the plot along? What does she add to the story, other than Adam? And really all that does is prove that she's an appalling judge of character as well as (possibly) a bit of a slag. Other than muppet boy she's just there, in the background, getting captured. I mean, seriously. Adric has contributed more to stories than this. FUCKING ADRIC. Even when he was being a complete fucking moron he was at least DOING something. Adding to the plot, contributing to the resolution or the problem or SOMETHING.

If anyone can tell me why a google image search for adric gives me a picture of a dildo i'd be most grateful.
......Wait, never mind.

Now, I don't mean to be rude, but when you're losing in a fight to fucking ADRIC you really should just kill yourself.

And now we come to Fathers Day. It's a good episode, no doubt. But for all the worthy praise heaped upon it there are a few issues that need to be addressed. For example, when someone gets on board your fantastical time and space machine and asks if they GO WATCH SOMEONE DIE that may be considered a bit of a warning sign. Not that they're going to attempt to interfere with causality in a catastrophic way (more of that later), but they are OBVIOUSLY MENTAL. When you add to this the fact that the person they want to GO AND WATCH DIE IN THE STREET is a beloved family member and you should be setting the coordinates for the padded cell nebula post haste.

IN SPACE!!

But if I'm honest it's not even the fact that Rose actually tries to destroy the entire universe TWICE. No, it's the motivation behind it. The ultimate goal for which the eradication of all life on earth is but an inconvenient aside. And to be fair, you may not even get it until you've sat through the second season. But hindsight is still sight, and there are things that cannot be unseen. The phrase "creepy perveted dadlust" has no place in Doctor Who in my humble opinion. BUT HERE IT IS ANYWAY.

Thanks for that.

Moving rapidly in the direction of away we come to the next 2 parter, The Empty Child / The Doctor Dances. Great stuff again. But what of Miss Tyler? Well, she starts by wandering off and climbing up a barrage balloon.

WHAT?!?!

I mean really. It's not exactly hard to miss, surely. It's a giant fucking balloon. Who the hell could ever see a giant free floating balloon just drifting overhead and think that climbing up it's trailing cables? I mean, I'm pretty sure that whole thing about cows not being able to look up is just a myth, but does it apply to stupid cows?

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Ask someone who gives a shit, I'm a cow.

And after that, what? She dribbles on Captain Jack, bitches and then is generally extraneous to the plot for the rest of duration. Oh wait, she's also starting to dribble on the Doctor a little here to. This I think is the first real hint anyway. Up to this point the Doctor has been more of a father figure. But we've seen how she reacts to THOSE now haven't we? eeeewwww.

And then it's Boom Town. The episode which REALLY goes to show her attitude toward Mickey. Who, you may remember, is supposed to be her BOYFRIEND. She's been off, slagging her way across time and space, whilst poor old Mickey has actually been trying to move on with his life. Only he can't, can he? Because Rose is, basically, an emotional vampire. And Mickey is some sort of disposable affection dispenser.Called up on a whim to make her feel better about herself and discarded once again. The problem here is simply that she will never just TELL Mickey. The gut clearly needs some sort of formal declaration that the relationship has been unceremoniously terminated since he no longer serves any useful function to her, but no. She just wants another lackey to fawn over her, with no regard to anyone elses feelings or well being.

And so, at long last we come to season finale. Bad Wolf / The Parting Of The Ways. And I have to confess that it's here that the whole thing becomes rather more difficult to assess. I mean, I could mention that all she does is fail her way onto the Dalek ship and then hang around not helping until the Deus Ex Machina comes to save the day / crash and burn the series in a nonsensical last minute cop out (delete as appropriate). And that's the problem. That whole Deus Ex situation which, on sober reflection really just doesn't make any fucking sense. After all the build up of bad wolf the final resolution is.... bollocks. Some may argue epic bollocks, but bollocks nevertheless. I do think however it is somewhat telling that the only way Rose was able to save the day (a first in the whole series you'll note) was by staring vacantly into a light and gaining godlike powers through sloppy writing. She didn't actually DO anything herself. I mean, it was Mickey (with the aid of Jackie of all people) who actually managed prise the fucking console open and release the power of the fanfic. Sorry, time vortex.

I mean, seriously.

And for this the Doctor must give up his life and go on to star in G.I. Joe the movie.

Serious Drama

So, just to count up, she's managed to kill the Doctor one time, tried to unravel the very fabric of time itself a few times, unleashed an alien killing machine that tried to destroy all life on earth but only stopped because it would rather kill itself than hang around her and hung around being useless and/or captured more times than I care to remember.

And this, ladies and gentleman is Rose Tyler AT HER BEST.

Tune in next time for Series 2: Foreshadowing, you guys. SERIOUSLY, FORESHADOWING!!!!

Dead, Hot And Not Ready Until Next Year

I realize that it's been a long time since I've posted anything. The reasons for this are many and various, but can basically be boiled down to the standard litany of work, depression and video games. This is, it's worth noting, basically the mantra for my life.

Anyway, in a no doubt vain attempt to actually get something done I'm gonna try writing about some of the games I've been wasting my life on. And first up, for reasons that are frankly beyond me, is Dead Frontier.

Now the first thing that needs noting here is that the game is still in beta. This of course makes it tricky to review as it's entirely possible that any of the deficiencies I would normally take issue with will be fixed. But I've never let sanity or reason get in the way of moaning about stuff before, so why start now?

Not that you'll see anything about the game still being in beta on the main site. In fact you'll see very little information AT ALL. It's not often that site design bugs me enough to bring it up like this, but as you can see all we have is a sign up button and a youtube video of gameplay. A youtube video of gameplay with the controls removed, so not only do you HAVE to watch it, you can't even mute it. Good luck if someone sent you the link at work. But if you want something like, say SYSTEM REQUIREMENTS? You're shit out of luck.

However, the main thing it has on the page which interests us is the phrase "The Ultimate Free To Play Survival Horror MMORG". This immediately inspires 2 thoughts in quick succession. Firstly that this should be some shade of awesome even if it is a free game (hoorah for hopelessly unbalanced dual tier economies) and secondly why the hell has nobody thought of this before? Seriously, just consider it for a moment and it quickly becomes clear that the whole zombie apocalypse scenario immediately lends itself to mmorgification. You've got your towns (fortified enclaves of survivors), you've got a wilderness crawling with mentally challenged cannon fodder (everywhere else), you've got dungeons (anywhere inside or underground) and it makes a hell of a lot more sense for the invariable homicidal kleptomania which defines your average PC. And anyway, everybody loves zombies.

Well, maybe not EVERYBODY...

So, anyway, we signs up and get onto character generation. Now this seems pretty good. We get a large array of professions to choose from, each bring with it different advantages. Or not. Looking through the list it's pretty clear that some are obviously better than others, but honestly I don't really have much of a problem with this. Not everything in life is balanced after all, so obviously some will be better equipped for the oncoming zombie apocalypse than others. Notably those with shotguns. In addition to the careers there's also a paper doll of you're character that you can customize a bit. And once you're done we're into the game!

Yeah. Straight into the game. It's at this point that we realize that A: the game is actually browser based (which I must admit came as something of a surprise as the gameplay footage really didn't say browser to me) and that there is no character select option. Now, whilst I would assume that the lack of character slots is something that will be fixed when the full version is released, you better be damn sure you've chosen a profession to suit you and are happy with your avatar because you're not changing it.

I decided to go for a scientist. Why?

No reason...

Well, whilst I lack the obvious combat advantages of some of the other classes I at least get to produce medicine. Which should come in handy. Also: SCIENCE, bitches.

Now, it's at this point where that whole lack of anything resembling system requirements comes back to haunt us. See, I was on my laptop when I signed up and suddenly found myself thrust into the game. Or at least would have done if not the fact that evidently my laptop can only barely handle it. After shutting EVERYTHING else down and waiting and indeterminate amount of time for anything to load I did eventually manage to get to play. For a few minutes at a time. Then the screen went black and I was left attempting to navigate my way back to town using only the mini map. This was rather off putting to say the least.

However, I eventually decided to give it another go on my main PC. The loading times were still a little aggravating, but nothing like the apocalyptic machine killing hellfuck I'd suffered before. And so I actually got to play the game properly. And you know what? It's actually not that bad. As a run around killing zombies and looting simulator it's pretty fun. It looks good and has some really nice atmosphere thanks to a grainy filter and some nice lighting effects combining for a rather Silent Hill feel.

It's all darkness and moving shadows, which is very nice. Then there's the zombies. At first there'll only be a few hanging around, and you can probably avoid them if you want. However the game has this whole concept of aggro. Which may be defined as the tendency for things to quickly go to hell if you draw to much attention to yourself. The number, speed and aggression of the zombies can start to increase exponentially, and you will soon find yourself in the brown trousers of death. I'd love to show you a screencap of when you're getting attacked by hundreds of zombies, but really when that happens you're far to busy trying not to die.

Do or do not as the saying goes

And you know what? That's AWESOME. It's shocking the amount of stuff you can get away with simply by making the game survival horror. In anything else you'd see this spikes in monster aggro as annoying, off putting or even game breaking. But in a survival horror game you don't mind that suddenly hundreds of bad guys have suddenly come to kill you as that's kind of the point. Likewise the death penalty of losing ALL the money you have on you. In anything else it would seem completely unreasonable. Here it's adding to the tension. It is worth noting that I'm only saying that from the point of view of someone who's never yet died after finding a large quantity of money.

So, you head out from camp, kill zombies, loot whatever is lootable and level up. Then you go back to camp to spend you're points, sell your crap and do whatever. So far so standard. Only with zombies.

And it's here where we're hitting the wall of beta. Because right now that's all you can do. Now, it's pretty fun, don't get me wrong. And I would imagine that with a couple of mates this would be a great laugh. But right now missions aren't available, which is a little aggravating. There is only so much aimless wandering that you can do in any game before you get bored and need a little something extra. Even when the missions are restored I can't help but wonder if that'll be enough. The game play is reasonably fun, and the whole zombie thing does give them a unique selling point, but I can't help but feel that the game will need more than just killing zombies to really make it stand out. Time will tell. It is however early days yet.

The last thing I wish to touch on is the economy. Now it's pretty much standard for any so called free game to have a 2 tier economic structure. There's the in game cash you use for standard items, and then there's the paid for with actual money currency you can trade for the high class stuff. I can't say that I have a problem with the principle, but I've never yet found a game that has convinced me to actually part with any money. Often due to the fact that they never seem to really grasp the concept of micro in the phrase micro-payments. For todays' example I would like to introduce you to the hockey mask.

Here we have a nice little prestige item for your avatar. Doesn't boost your stats or anything but it would look pretty fucking boss I think we all agree. So how much does that cost? 2000 credits. Okay. But how much is that in actual money?

Yeah. SIXTY dollars. Going by todays' exchange rate that comes out as £37.50 THIRTY SEVEN POUNDS AND FIFTY PENCE. For which you will get a mask on your character that will be visible to approximately NO-ONE since the game uses an over head view point. Just think of all the other thing you could buy for that. I could get a brand new (and overpriced) Wii game. I could get anywhere between 2 and 6 second hand games depending on how shit they are. I could get another Remembrance of the Daleks collectors set.

Hell, I could buy an actual hockey mask. I realize that I'm picking on one of the most expensive items (but certainly not THE most expensive) but my point remains valid. If you're paying £40 for a small amendment to a paper doll you're doing it wrong.

Anyway, enough of my griping. Overall I'd say that Dead Frontier looks like a promising development, and one worth keeping an eye on. Would I recommend it? With the obvious proviso that it's currently in a rather limited state, I'd say so, yes. There certainly doesn't seem to anything else trying to fill this particular niche, so I wish them all the best.