Now, I'd like to say that Asylum Of The Daleks is a blistering return to the series and an all time classic piece of Doctor Who. But since it's full of plot holes you can drive a Dalek battle fleet through and still leave plenty of room to fit a herd of obese Myrka I'm afraid I can't. Needless to say anything I say after this point may be considered a potential spoiler.
Now, to be clear, Asylum Of The Daleks isn't an AWFUL episode. I'd still take it over Fear Her or Night Terrors. Although I admit that's not really saying much. But I have to say it's one I found slightly dissapointing. There's only really one thing I wanted from a new Dalek episode. And that was the new Daleks.
Remember these guys?
I know that there was a certain amount of wailing and gnashing of teeth from certain corners of the fan community over the redesign of the Daleks, but frankly it never bothered me that much. I mean, they're quite clearly daleks. Bigger, bolder Daleks perhaps. But Daleks nevertheless. The only real issue with Victory Of The Daleks was the simple fact that you can't disarm a bomb by asking about it's feelings. Other than that it did a lot of good. It brought the Daleks back properly. Drew a line to move forward from, cutting the burden of previous continuity and FINALLY rationalising the Dalek hierarchy. But sadly some people don't like colours and so all that work seems to be coming apart.
See, the thing is that whilst Victory introduced the new paradigm Daleks we've yet to see them really DO anything. It always seemed to me to be a bit premature to judge them before we had a chance to really see them in action. That's what I was really hoping for. A story in which the new Daleks would be given a chance to prove themselves to the doubters. I mean, I was really not a fan of the redesign for the Silurians. But I can't deny that it's thanks to that more human design that we had such a succesful character in Madam Vastra.
Because everything's better with lesbians!
Sadly the new Daleks just lurk in the background slightly whilst all the action is left to the bronze boys. This is exactly the sort of obvious backpedalling that I was afraid of. Not there's anything inherently wrong with that design either, but I'd just rather that the production had the courage to carry these things through properly.
However that's not even the worst bit of back peddling to be seen here. Because we're not just going back to 2005. Oh no, let us set the coordinates back to 1984. Because am I really the only one getting shades of Ressurection Of The Daleks from this?
This is something we get in the first five minutes of the show, as the trap is sprung and a Dalek eye stalk emerges from someones forehead.
Let's be honest here for a second. It looked bloody stupid then, and putting a light on the end hasn't done anything to improve matters. Ressurection is great story, and I'm all for throwing in a sly reference. But did you really have to be bringing up those helmets? REALLY? You couldn't just leave it with the Daleks having human duplicate agents or something that didn't involve strapping a large phallic object to someones head and not expecting there to be the odd snicker?
Then we have the situation which the Daleks want the Doctor to resolve for them. Now, I don't really mind the Daleks having an asylum. It might not make buckets of sense but it IS kinda cool. And it's rationalised in okay fashion on screen. I'll even give you the Dalek parliament and prime minister. Although the idea of the Daleks having such a democratic institution at the core of their society is UTTERLY RIDICULOUS. I mean, they don't even have names. How do they know which one to vote for? And does this make the Dalek Supreme like the queen or something? Only there for the tourists and special occasions? But sure, whatever. We'll let that one go. But the central premise of the story? That I simply can't let go.
The Daleks want to destroy their asylum planet to stop the crazy Daleks contained therein from escaping. The Crazy Daleks might be able to escape because the Asylum has been breached by a spaceship crashing into it. The Daleks can't destroy the asylum because it has a forcefield preventing them bombarding the planet.
So how did the ship crash into it in the first place? Seriously, if ships can crash into it and missiles can't, then why son't you just fill a ship full of missiles? Or build some really big missiles shaped like ships?
The Daleks then kidnap the Doctor using their human replacement puppets as they're all to scared to go down into the asylum themselves.
So why didn't they just send some of the puppets down to turn off the forcefield? Hell, come to that, if you can shoot people down to the planets surface like that, why don't you send the missiles that way? Or a big bomb? Or a few cannisters of Movellan Virus?
Seriously, Tegan worked this shit out but the ENTIRE Dalek parliament couldn't?
I mean, seriously. Why is accessing the surface of this top security Dalek prison planet so incredibly easy for everyone EXCEPT the cocking Daleks?
Because Chewbacca?
I mean, there's a bunch of puppets already on the surface. Could they not have just sent instructions down to them? There is basically no good reason for the Daleks to proceed in the fashion shown. Unless they all got drunk and made bets or something.
Then there's the issue of what exactly it is the Daleks are so scared of. Because honestly I'm not sure. The only thing the Daleks in the asylum do differently from regular ones is spend half the episode asleep. The idea of a Dalek so insane and dangerous that other Daleks can neither control or destroy it is compelling as hell. I mean, this we're talking about something that a Dalek is willing to disobey orders to avoid going near. And Daleks aren't the sort to disobey ANY order. Self destructing is a less a final option for them than it is a hobby. But we don't get any of that. It's a wasted opportunity.
Then we have the terrible fake drama of Amy and Rorys relationship problems. This flat out doesn't work. They're breaking up because actually they still totally love each other? You're seriously telling me Amy is willing to utterly wreck Rorys life because she doesn't consider adoption to be a valid alternative? If I wanted to watch a story with a shallow self obsessed bitch treating everyone who loves her like shit I'd go dig out series 2. This whole subplot just seems tacked on and pointless. It does a disservice to the characters. No dear, dumping your boyfriend because..... Chewbacca? Does not beat 2000 years of unswerving dedication. Get over yourself.
The big twist at the end is quite fun, if you don't think to hard about the fact that Oswin has been chatting merrily away to everyone throughout the entire episode and Daleks don't actually sound like girls. They just don't. They sound like Daleks. Because that's what they are. But again it's something of a missed opportunity. Having her converted into a Dalek by the crazy Daleks could have been explored a bit beyond the 30 seconds of exposition it's given. I mean, that's the kind of thing that Daleks do tend to take issue with. But for a story that harkens back to the 80s and promised fleeting, barely noticable cameos by as many models of Dalek as possible whilst featuring a human being converted into a Dalek you'd think that they could have finished with the glass dalek casing from Revelation.
Also this guy.
Having the girl playing the next companion in there is certainly interesting. Although whether or not it's significant remains to be seen. As does the significance of having the Doctor erased from the Daleks collective memory. Although between that and the conversion we're now in danger of the Daleks and Cybermen becoming interchangeable. Which is really not a good thing. Although maybe it's just foreshadowing the return of Davros, which would be nice. Anyway, it's easy to see why she was picked for the companion part. Anyone else want to start a rumor that it turns out she's actually Romana?
One other thing that bugs me is just the fact that they REALLY need to stop ending episodes with people chanting the name of the show over and over again. It was kinda painfully self referential the first time. Having a thousand Daleks AND the Doctor himself doing it just feels wrong. But I suppose the biggest problem with this story is that Stephen Moffat wrote it. You'd expect something more tightly plotted, or at least that made SOME kind of sense. There is this terrible feeling of going through the motions or running out of steam. Reusing jokes and motifs from other episodes.
Still, it's only the first episode. There is yet hope that further developments will show that all the Chewbacca like qualities of this episode were in fact subtle foreshadowing of something awesome.
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