I mean, you would, wouldn't you?
And so it was that I finally decided to do something I'd been putting off for many years.
I bought the prequel trilogy. After all, I've gotten quite a fair bit of post mileage writing about things that aren't very good before. At the very least I thought it would be good for a few invective laced rants about how George Lucas is actually the anti-christ or something. And thus it was that I settled down one night to watch the films.
ALL OF THEM.
I'd like to say that they weren't as bad as I remember, but let's be honest here, that's not really true. All 3 films are, by pretty much any objective standard, simply not very good films. However, without the terrible burden of hope I did actually find them surprisingly enjoyable. And thus it was that I decided to try something a little more challenging when reviewing them. After all, the opinion that the prequel trilogy isn't actually very good is hardly the most controversial one on the internet. Plenty of people far more insightful and articulate than I have spent far more time than I have available dissecting the many, many flaws. So no, I have decided that I will attempt to write about all the good things in the prequel trilogy. If only to see how many times I end up adding a qualifying clause. Because they are not entirely without good points, it's just that those good points are buried under piles of steaming crap.
Youssa call?
See, there's one right there. Anyway, shall we press on?
The first thing I'll bring up is the music. Because the soundtrack is actually really very good. The Duel Of The Fates is a totally bitching track by any standards, and about as perfect Lightsaber Duelling music as you could wish for. Even through the ghastly turgid dialogue of episode 2 we can at least count on the music to give us some clue of what we should be feeling if the actors actually had a script anyone could read without killing themselves and a director who didn't think that wooden plank was an emotion.
Another great thing about all 3 films is the design work. We may not have much in the way of actual character to our characters, but the worlds they inhabit certainly look great. Each planet is quite distinct, so that although they are both desert worlds Geonosis isn't exactly the same as Tattoine. Well, apart from maybe the bits that are just sand anyway. Coruscant looks fantastic, from the high towers of the rich and powerful down to the neon lit concourses of the more regular inhabitants. Although I admit those areas probably could have been a little less clean. Hell, even Mustafar is is impressive to look at, even if nobody knows how lava actually works.
It's not just the places that are well designed though. Take the Battle Droids for example. They might be fairly useless in actual battle, and the comic relief elements might not play so well with all viewers, but they ARE a nice design. The various droids and aliens in the background are, generally speaking, all pretty good.
Well, aside from the obvious exceptions
I mean, even the Gungans LOOK pretty good. It's only when they open their mouths that we start to have problems. Problems that I admit the Nemoidians don't really help. Now, despite being incredibly racist at least the idea of giving the different aliens different accents is a pretty good one. There's no reason why everyone should talk in an American accent (or British if you're evil). They are all meant to come from different planets and cultures after all. Accents could have been a way to illustrate that subtly. However if subtlety could have been employed at any point during the 3 films we wouldn't be sifting through them desperately trying to find anything worth praising. Let's move on.
It's probably worth mentioning that it was Episode 1 that really pushed the boundaries on CGI in film-making. Before that I don't think there was much (if anything) that had actually used CGI on that scale before. Wholly computer generated environments and characters, even whole scenes were certainly possible, but it was here that the technology was really proven. One could probably make an argument that it was Star Wars that paved the way for stuff like Lord Of The Rings, with it's huge battle scenes (ala Attack Of The Clones) and fully CGI Gollum (ala fucking Jarjar). However in all honesty I think it more paved the way for the current over-reliance on spectacle and utter dearth of anything approaching good storytelling in modern cinema.
So yeah, if you ever want to put yourself off Star Wars for good then simply consider that without the prequels we may never have had to deal with Micheal fucking Bay.
Seriously, this took like 10 minutes in paintshop. How hard can it be to do in real life?
However I probably shouldn't mention that, as we're trying to find things to LIKE about the prequel trilogy.
How about Lightsabers then? Everyone loves a good Lightsaber fight. And we do get... some? At the very least we get Darth Maul.
Now whatever else you say about episode 1, you can't deny that Darth Maul kicks ass, right up until the point where he is pointlessly killed off in possibly the most egregious waste of a character since casting Anakin. Then there's the fights against Count Dooku in episode 2. Stylistically the 30 seconds where Anakin is fighting him in the dark is pretty awesome. Lit only by the humming blades the 2 combatants face off. I mean yes, the duel wielding lasts about 3 seconds, the stylised face off consists almost entirely of posturing and then the supposedly powerful hero get's his ass handed to him ( or possibly his hand assed depending on how you look at it), but for a minute there it was borderline epic.
And then Yoda turns up.
I have to say I'm torn on that particular duel. I mean on the one hand we finally have a proper Lightsaber duel going on, with much action and dynamism going on, which after Obi-Wan and Anakins abysmal showing comes as something of a relief. On the other hand it TOTALLY CONTRADICTS THE ENTIRE POINT AND CHARACTER OF YODA. So yeah, tricky. Then of course we have the climactic duel of episode 3. And all that leaping over lava and stuff is kinda cool. Of course, it's all utterly ruined by how the characters got to that point (seemingly at random) and the final resolution (+1 to attack from elevated terrain). But as a set piece itself it's not entirely bad?
I'm not doing very well here am I? Well, it's hard. The thing is that basically anything good you can think of to say about the films is undermined by everything else around them. But then that brings me to final and I think most important point.
The films are bad, but they're bad in an interesting way. It's no joke when people say that Star Wars fans enjoy complaining about Star Wars. It's almost a central point of the fandom. And the prequel films really epitomise this. Because, watching them, you can see that they COULD have been good. Maybe not as good as the original trilogy, but then what is? But what we got instead was an almost deliberate attempt at making bad films. It's not that there isn't any good ideas on offer, just that every time a promising possibility occurs someone somewhere asked "what can we do ruin that potential?". Naturally most people will blame George Lucas for this and call him a bad film maker. I don't think that's entirely fair. I mean, the films are bad, but he did get them made. More accurately I would say he's a poor writer and an awful director. That's really where the films fall down. If you gave him a writing partner and a script editor, and got someone else to direct then you could probably salvage something. I think if there's one thing we've all learned from umpteen special editions of the films is that the thing George Lucas needs more than anything else is someone who can say "No" to him.
No means NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
As it is we've got a set of films that can be watched and maybe even enjoyed (if you're expectations and standards are suitably calibrated), but mostly that can be analysed and debated. Think of it this way, the original Star Wars trilogy inspired a whole generation of film makers by showing what you COULD do. The prequel trilogy continued that legacy by showing what you really SHOULDN'T.
Spot on :)
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