Still, whilst I can easily say that the episode was not nearly as much as I was hoping for, neither was it honestly as bad as my initial impression.
When a new series of Doctor Who airs I like to watch each episode at least twice. Once for fun, and once again before I try to write up my impressions. And I have to say that on first viewing I wasn't hugely impressed. I found the whole thing to be somewhat... Not unclear exactly. But poorly defined. Things didn't exactly gel as they should, the plot felt like it was retreading old ground and then to top it all off they literally hit the reset switch at the end so nothing that happened actually mattered in the slightest anyway.
YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG
Goddamn I hate reset switches. You can do a lot of clever stuff with time travel in a story if you know what you're doing. Or, failing that you can hit the cocking reset switch, thereby admitting that you've just been wasting everyone's time. But we'll come back to that later.
On the second run through, whilst all the major flaws were still quite evident a lot of the other problems were lessened quite a bit. Mainly as I had some clue where I needed to be paying extra attention to important dialogue that's only semi-coherent over all the noise and thunder. I mean, the whole thing is rife with paradoxes, but I guess an exploding time machine might well do that. Case in point: Time Zombies.
Now, visually they are used pretty damn well. The sequences where Clara is being pursued through the TARDIS interior are wonderfully directed, keeping the monster perpetually hidden, out of focus and laced with visual distortion. Even when they're fully revealed in full light they're still reasonably effective, with the siamese twin one lending an almost Hellraiser-esque vibe to the proceedings. But in terms of plot, do they actually make any sense? I get that these are meant to be the charred remains of the main characters after they spend to long under the all new Eye Of Harmony Sun Lamp™ because they're trapped their by those same future selves. And I freely admit that it wasn't until the second run through that I actually noticed the point where the Doctor works it all out and all that yelling about touching suddenly makes sense. But why is it that they're turned into psychotic ZOMBIES exactly? Rather than just crispy dead bits?
Hey, if it worked for George....
See, the thing I can't honestly believe I'm saying is you don't actually always need a monster. A lot of the time you do, sure. And I love it when you have a cool monster that's being used well. But this is hardly the first time we've had a monster that seems kinda.... Extraneous. Not nearly to the same degree as The Vigil, or even those nurse dudes from the first half of the series. But still... The threat with these guys is coming from them existing as a potential future for the main characters more than anything else. And you could achieve the same effect with a few mangled bodies. Possibly even more effectively. I get that you need something to drive Clara deeper into the TARDIS and provide a bit of menace. But we already have the fact that the TARDIS is wrecked, malfunctioning tetchy and DOESN'T LIKE CLARA. That's more than enough to get her into trouble. And any menace required on the Doctors end of the plot is easily covered by Gitface Van Balen, a man who is seemingly determined to take the worst possible course of action under any circumstances. I mean, really. You're trapped in an alien ship with a madman who has (as far as you believe) engaged the self destruct and is threatening to kill you all, and your first course of action is to send an idiot minion to go and DISMANTLE THE CONTROLS? You know, the ones that will be needed to deactivate the self destruct and actually open the smegging doors?
Seriously, what the hell do you have to be smoking for that to ever seem like a good idea?
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Spoiler, it's full of drugs. SPACE DRUGS.
Then we have the newly invented literary technique: Chekovs Nemesis Stature. Which apparently states that if a Mcguffin is seen hanging on a big metal tree in the first act it will have NO EFFECT WHATSOEVER on the plot aside from maybe 2 minutes of padding.
SERIOUSLY, WHY DIDN'T THIS HAPPEN?!?!
So if he's the Brains of the operation then I guess the other brother is Pinky. He is, after all, both taller and bafflingly stupid. Does ANYONE know why he fell off that ladder? I THINK he was meant to have brushed up against something and got shocked, but really it just looks like he got about halfway down and then just gave up. Falling IS genreally faster after all. Oh, and here's a protip for writers out there. If pretty much the first thing one character says to another is that he doesn't take orders from them, maybe it's a bad idea to have them mindlessly obeying that characters for the rest of their screen time? Still, it's not like he was around much so whatever.
Rounding out our trio of wannabe badguys is of course Metal Mickey. Or at least a pretend one. Now, it has to be said that his subplot is both utterly ridiculous and yet still has possibilities. Let's be honest here, if someone thinks they're a robot there's a fairly simple way to prove otherwise. You just wait for a while until they get hungry and thirsty. If that doesn't convince them then you just need to wait for little bit longer.
Not pictured: Something a robot has EVER NEEDED.
It really is that simple. BUT, even having said all that the idea of stripping someone of their humanity in order to usurp their position and use them as free labor is a good one for an evil scheme. If you really want to show what an utter irredeemable BASTARD your villain is. Or if they're actually a Cyberman, either way. But really to make this plot work all you need is a higher goddamn metal content. If the guy is MOSTLY replacement bits that he's going to be a lot subject to the various biological functions that are such a big hint that he's not actually a robot. I mean, never mind the toilet stuff, what happens when he get's morning wood? Does he think it's a aerial extending to pick up transmissions or something?
"I'll show ye..."
So, yeah. The plot is basically just retreading elements from The Pandorica Opens/The Big bang and The Doctors Wife, but at least the corridors look less obviously Dalek in origin this time around. The antagonists are not exactly all that, but the Doctor at least get's some good stuff in. Matt Smith is really getting the hang of the dark and threatening Doctor, but still manages to pull it back into a lightheartedness that was perhaps lacking from some of the Sylvester McCoy stuff. So that's good. As I mentioned previously the direction is pretty great throughout, with some nice stylish camerawork. I still feel they could have perhaps taken a minute to be clearer on a couple of points, but I think that's more of a problem with script than anything else. And, whilst Clara is again mostly just kinda... There, we at last get some confrontation between her and the Doctor! This is all great stuff, with the Doctor finally having to admit what a creepy weirdo he's been, and Clara being naturally quite freaked out about the whole thing. These were some good scenes, and should give us a new foundation in the relationship to build towards the finale.
Or would if they hadn't gone and pressed the cocking reset button. After everything else this is where things really fall down. Having finally given us a bit of actual plot development it's all yanked away at the last second. That's just aggravating. There is a sense that the oft used term "Wibbley-Wobbley Timey-Wimey" is not so much being used as shorthand for a clever bit of scripting, but more as a get out of plot hole free card. The writer is trying to be as clever as Time Crash or Space/Time but not quite pulling it off. Maybe because those were 10 minutes long so didn't need magic nuclear zombies to pad the running time. The resolution is a paradox since they can only get out of the situation if they don't get out of it in the first place, but the real issue with that is not so much that it exists as that it doesn't even get a hand wave to explain away. I mean, there's no explanation of how it is the Doctor ends up outside the TARDIS, but it's not a massive game breaker. Well, not for me anyway. I'm sure there are others out there who were to bust screaming "BUT HOW DID HE GET THERE?!?!?!" at the screen to even notice the goddamn zombies.
Overall I'd say that the episode wasn't bad, but was fairly flawed and more than anything else represented a missed opportunity. It gave us some good bits, but then quickly took them away again. I suppose it's possible that they wanted to introduce some stuff to the audience before revisiting it in a later episode, but wiping all the characters memories does rather mean that it's all going to have to be reexplained to someone, so the point feels rather moot.
Obviously the main question raised by the episode is what happened to that Sontaran from The Invasion Of Time? I mean he wasn't in the pool. Most likely he's still down there somewhere. Probably trapped behind a barrier that has been sealed with some kind of locking device.
SPACEFACT! The Sontaran language has no word for "Lock", despite having a word for "Locking"
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