So, in a no doubt vain attempt to assuage my cravings for affection I have put aside the few scraps of dignity I may have had left and signed up to... a dating site.
I do this not in any serious hope or expectation of meeting any social or romantic partners, but for the same reason I play the lottery: to illustrate the futility of the excersize. "You don't know if you don't try" they say to me. To which I of course counter "actually, I DO know. I know exactly what will happen. NOTHING. But, in the interests of scientific rigour I will go waste my time in order to shut you up".
So, what's the problem with the whole online dating thing I hear you ask? Well, it goes something like this. When we sign up we are first asked to illustrate our narcissism by uploading pictures or ourselves. Then we are asked to prove our egocentricity by writing severel lengthy paeons to how utterly fantastic and interesting we are. Then, after all that we supposed to demonstrate our obnoxious nature by randomly hassling complete strangers.
And this, somehow is supposed to impress people.
Of course I'm glossing over the whole fact that the reason we're all there in the first place is because we're all social rejects and emotional cripples completely incapable of attracting a mate in the real world, and thus even if you do somehow end up meeting someone they will be mentally unstable to a frightening degree.
I know I am.
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