And this time it's a VEGETABLE PLOT.
You may recall that one part of the arbitrary list of things to steal and/or kill (delete as applicable) I was given were some pumpkins. Apparently there was actually a reason for this, which puts it up beyond most of the other crap I've been doing. Apparently we're going to infect the pumpkins with plague, and then give them back to the humans who won't be at all suspicious. This obviously far more sensible than, say, just injecting the pumpkins with plague serum in the fields. I mean, a rotting zombie come up to you all like "here frail human, take this totally normal pumpkin that has clearly not been tampered with in any way as a token of goodwill from the hordes of brain eating horrors that plot the downfall of mankind" what would YOU do?
Well I'll be damned. They ACTUALLY fall for it. Still, in many ways I suppose that makes sense. After all, the only sort of enemy force that could be locked in stalemate with whatever mentally challenged reprobates are running this around here is one that is even equally as stupid.
Wait, what?
Anyway, what's next on the list? Oh yes, the madwoman in the attic. Now, as you may be aware I spent a large amount of time recently jumping off a tower as that was infinitely more fun than whatever it was I actually supposed to be doing. At the top of the tower is a zombie woman in a cage.
Obviously. I mean, where else would you keep it? Anyway, I didn't mention her before as she wasn't exactly the most interesting soul to chat with. That is, the stuck up bitch wouldn't talk to me at all. Anyway, thing is I found a note about her on the body of a guard I
Whatever. Any excuse to go up the tower again. After finding out she's got her name in the papers her mood brightens enough for to actually put some effort into telling me to go away. Bitch wouldn't know gratitude if I beat her death with it. It's just as I'm trying to work out exactly how one might accomplish just this that a rather large and heavily armoured human captain stomps up the stairs and...
Walks straight past me.
I mean, there I am. Being a hideous abomination. In broad daylight. Right in front of him. But does he even notice? Nope. Unlike literally EVERY OTHER living being I've encountered he doesn't try to kill me on site. I'm not quite sure why it is this strikes me as offensive. Still, it's all academic as he wanders of to Bitchy McBetterthanyou and then promptly keels over dead.
Well, that was worth it then. Only one thing left to do know I guess.
My wanderings next take me (via killing X of Y for dubious reward) to the town of Brill. Much like the almost village I first encountered it only seems to have about 3 buildings. Only, you know, they're BIGGER.
It's here I pick up some work with the Royal Apothecary Society. Now, there does seem to be much royalty involved. Or indeed much in the way of actual apothecarizing. But we get to make virulent plagues out of dogs blood, so that's fun. Or would be if there was any. See, there's something up a little odd about the local canine population. Other than the fact that they apparently wear trousers. I am of course sent of to trudge the countryside killing dogs and collecting their blood. Only most of them don't even HAVE blood. They're like reverse vampires or something. The literal opposite of bloodhounds. It's all rather confusing really. I mean, what makes them go? Marmalade? Grass and woodchips? There's gotta be SOMETHING in there, right?
It's at whilst I'm trying to work this out that I suddenly instead learn how to summon a water elemental.
I'm... I'm not quite sure how I managed that. From dogs with no blood to harnessing the elemental forces of nature. Maybe it's just pretending to be a water elemental? Maybe it's actually a DOG BLOOD ELEMENTAL?
Anyway, having scraped up enough congealed filth from the corpse of dead dogs I nip back to town for another lesson in brewing plagues. I give the apothecary his shit. He pours it into a glass of beer and tells me to give it to the prisoner upstairs.
"Here frail dwarf, take this totally normal pint of ale that has clearly not been tampered with in any way as a token of goodwill from the hordes of brain eating horrors that plot the downfall of mankind".
And that's another dead bastard to add the pile. Seriously, it's like they WANT to die.
After a little more sodding around with some taller dogs in trousers I'm sent off to check in with another apothecary.
DUDE. I will kill X of whatever you like if I can have your hat. No? Screw you then. What about his power packed giant assistant?
Wait. What the hell are you supposed to be anyway? Why is there a gay dwarf painted green standing around in a field in the middle of the kingdom of the dead?
You know what? Don't answer that. What is it stumpy here needs doing anyway?
He.... He wants me to chase CHILDREN around. Not even children. BABIES. Little fish people babies. Who look like this:
I.E. ADORABLE. And I'm supposed to run around after them. Not even being properly evil and killing them in a black sacrifice to our master Satan or anything. Just chase them around until they pass out.
I think we now know why sexdwarf here is hiding out in corpse town. Who knew that Murlocs had their own version of Dateline?
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