Binteena was all like "I don't like you anymore!!" and Junior was all like "raperaperape?"
HELLO!
Yeah, there's no easy way around this. There's not really much I can say in terms of witty or insightful introductions. You KNOW what this chapters about. You KNOW what's going to happen. The whole book has building up to the inevitable crotch union of these to characters, as it was written in accordance with the prophecy. However it has to be said that I was expecting something a little more.... Consensual.
Just keep looking at the bunny
Of course, you have to bear in mind the dual use of the word rape. In the real world it of course means one of the worst things ever. However we're not in the real world anymore, are we? I'd always been under the impression that the fantasy rape scenario as presented in all that hentai (which I've definately never watched, not even once) where all women secretly WANT IT MORE THAN ANYTHING even they can't quite admit it to themselves was a very man type thing. It's always seemed like a pure male power fantasy scenario.
Only, this is a chicks book. Written by, so we are told, a woman. And we have EXACTLY that particular scenario acted out here.
Give or take one or two minor details
She's all like " NO, NO, NO, oh go on then." And then they fuck. Briefly.
Perhaps not quite as briefly as Sancho's embarassing performance in the last book, but pretty close. I'll give him, say... 10 minutes tops. However it is kind of refreshing after all the lumpen euphemisms and tedious frottage to finally see the word penis used. This is perhaps a breakthrough point for the author. maybe now they'll stop skirting around the issue for years at a time and actually get to the point. The point in this case being the one in Juniors pants.
The contents of Binteenas pants are another matter entirely. You see, she has secretly copied one of the ancient scrolls of plot device onto her drawers.
Yeah, there it is again
Wait, what? When? WHY for gods sake? Seriously, why would you do that? She had absolutely no reason to desire a copy of those scrolls until this point. Certainly not to the extent that she would secretely copy them onto her unmentionables. Seriously, after the raping is done with and we're back to conversation/exposition mode she even details what happened that fateful prologue when her father left her up a mountain in tibet to die alone for her own protection. At no point did she mention running out of paper.
This does also rather beg the question that, if these scrolls are so valuable, why did no one make a proper copy? Written on something other than underpants I mean?
You know what, screw it. Whatever. I'm bringing logic to a crazy fight here. There's no way I'm gonna win.
Anyway, it seems this is the instructions for the mirror from the the lighthouse of Alexandria. Which can shoot lasers and cast cure I guess? Honestly, I have no fucking clue whats going on. Magic mirrors fair enough, but magic LIGHTHOUSE mirrors? I thought we were trying to cure the crazy and evil™, not bring down a Rutan battle cruiser.
Because that's what lighthouses DO
Anyway, with all the exposition out of the way it's back to the bedroom. Because if there's one thing we've learnt from Rapelay it's that once you've given them a good raping they are FUCKING HORNY ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Because that's how rape works. Apparently.
Anyway, after all that whats the next logical step in our investigation? Why let's go find Binteenas ex boyfriend and punch him in the face until clues fall out!!
No, really. Thats what they do.
See, she'd fucked some guy whilst out on the expedition, and now he's back in London. So, since he went along with the whole "leaving you to die up a mountain" plan, presumably he may have some inkling as to daddykins current whereabouts. He doesn't, but thats not the point. Junior didn't get to punch his way through a hymen, so someones face will just have to make up for it. Beacuase he's JEALOUS, see? Because he really loves her. That's WHY he had to rape her up. It all makes sense now doesn't it?
No. Not really. Still, never mind eh?
We do get one clue. See the Proffessor has probably run out of money. So what do you do when you find stranded in a far away land with no cash? Why you go home of course. Because it's not like theres any expense involved in international travel. Anyway, there is allegedly some possibility however remote that he is now conveniently also in london. Who'd have thought such a thing possible?
Now I'm really dissapointed that Junior didn't manage to sail of to the back of beyond looking for him. TYhat would've been hilarious.
Anyway, Binteena heads of to the black market to look up one of her underworld contacts. Yeah she has those. I guess she got a few extra character points to spend after taking the "used woman" drawback. Anyway, Proffessor McCrazy is indeed alive and well and dealing in stolen antiquities. So yay. All that remains is to draw him out. Now what might catch his attention? Perhaps some more RAPING?
No. In contradiction to the laws of porn Binteena is now refusing to participate. I guess Junior tripped the wrong flag somewhere. maybe he should just reload from his last save point. You DID save before the bedroom scene, right?
Not any more
Guess not. Now your stuck with it. She doesn't want anymore perverted monkey sex as then she might actually love him, as oppossed to just his cock.
See, this is why there's things like war.
Or maybe she's just trying to rape his mind like he raped her butt. I dunno. Isn't emotional blackmail fun? It's like she goes from being TOTALLY up for it to hating his guts at least 3 times every. Single. Chapter. Just make your fucking mind up and let us get on with it. Actually, wait, I've got it. The sex quota for this book has been used up, and now we need a flimsy excuse to stop it happening again.
At this stage I'm not really sure anymore what the book is saying about men or women, but I don't think it's very positive. Perhaps "every single bad thing you've ever heard about any gender is true, especially women".
This seems like an oppurtune moment to end this session, since I'm sure everyone would rather slip of and kill themselves right now. I know I would.
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