It's Coming Down Part 2: Electric Boogaloo (Of Darkness)

So, before we embark on our next "literary" adventure, I thought we should take a moment to recall how exactly we got to this point. In the story that is. Quite how it is that I've decided that reading book 2 will be a good idea I'm not entirely sure. It's always possible that I was Hitler in another life, but then again it's not like I'm reading bloody twilight. So... Goebbels maybe?

Our hero then was the darkly mysterious mystery of darkness known in these parts as Sancho Mysterioso. Obviously that's his actual name in the book, but frankly it's too cliched to bother with. An ancient member of an ancient and poorly defined line of immortal something or others his job is to hunt down bad people and make them dead. His powers include being the main character and thus doing whatever the so called plot demands, no matter how ridiculous. His hobbies (outside of being darkly mysterious) include being a complete cockweasel to everyone in the vicinity (ESPECIALLY if they're trying to have sex with him), wanking furiously, being darkly mysterious, and bearing in mind his rather advanced years, raging comparative pedophilia. He wishes he was like Gary Oldman in Bram Stoker's Dracula, but as we all know..... He is Sancho.

One of these things is not like the other

The object his unbridled contempt perverse lust affection is Binto The Wonder Bint. She like to work as a nurse, scrapping the genital warts from the pox ridden whores of old London town. Her hobbies include not having any real personality to speak of, being incredibly SPECIAL and lusting after her darkly mysterious guardian (yeah, she's his WARD. Just in case you weren't feeling the pedo vibe enough already). Oh, and being treated really badly by a man but still putting out when it's convenient. In a shocking twist that nobody saw coming a mile away, alerted the guards and had shot by a sniper before it got near the gates her incredible SPECIALNESS meant she was actually INCREDIBLY SPECIAL, so rather than dying like everyone wanted she's now one of the poorly defined immortals of darkness and thus trapped in an abusive relationship (of darkness) with Sancho FOREVER. Only, rather than killing the bad guys she gets some sort of nurse powers I guess? Hard to say as the book ends rather abruptly right about there. Komugi-chan she is not.

Majikaru, majikaru naasu..

Confronting our two lovebirds and their gothic destiny was that most infamous of killers Jack The Ripper Himself. Only, since we can't bear to leave anything good Jack is actually the descendant of some ancient cult or other who may or may not be attempting to let some big bad out into the world and is only doing all this because Krakatoa told him to. Or something. After spending the whole book being built up as the invincible avatar of darkness (the BAD sort of darkness) he finally demonstrates his new found super powers by dying instantly in a single hint like some kind of bitch.

Buried in the family grave, if you take my meaning

The dark fight of darkness against the dark forces of other darkness is, luckily for you, aided by the dark twins of darkness. Of the same poorly defined stock as el Sancho, but a lot younger, we first have the Countess Von Bitchy, who goes from being some sort of resentful antagonist towards Binto to BFF's in no time at all. Frankly I find this suspicious and would like to think she's plotting something involving hundreds of snakes, but probably she just got brain damage from being near Bintos aura of being SPECIAL. Her brother is, basically, Sancho Jr. He enjoys not actually achieving anything useful ever and dressing up like an old woman. Completely failed to even look for the ripper, thus requiring some Sanchostic intervention. In order to fight Jack after he's all powered up on whore juice he elects to gain the same dark powers of darkness as Jack himself. Only instead of having to cut up hookers he just... get's them by thinking about them? So, just like that he became... sort of evil? Arise, Darth Junior. Quite what these new powers entail I dunno, as the boss fight lasts approximatly 5 nano seconds and then everybody fucks off.

It can however be inferred that he has now gained almost Sancho levels of power, as apparently he's now the main character. So I guess that's a result? However the best is yet to come. You see, his foe in the coming battles is none other than.... Jack The Rippers ex wife!!!!!

Wait, what?

I get the feeling I'm gonna be using this pic an awful lot.

And yes, I will be referring to her as Jill The Ripper. Why do you ask?