Hmm... bandits, traitors, rogue wizards, hideous death worms.... BORING. I wanna go learn some spells. According to my sources the Elementalist trainer is holed up at some tower in a place called Wizard's Folly. Obviously with a name like that it must be a safe, boring kind of place, right?
Turns out to be a little unexpected after all. The folly in question isn't so much the sort of catastrophic magical disaster that has rent the very fabric of reality that one might expect. It's much more prosaic. The folly of the wizards seems to me to be that they decided to build their secret tower in a region that is basically made of bears.
Maybe he just wants to cuddle?
Bears, bears, more bears a bunch of bandits and the occasional wolf. You don't go from A to B. you go from dead bear to soon to be dead bear.
Yeah, she's still tagging along.
Though like I said there are also the bandits. At one point when both bandits and bears I briefly thought that the bears were for some reason working for the bandits. But that would of course be silly. It's the bandits who work for the bears. The bears run this place.
Silly bear, zombies are not picnic baskets.
Still, whilst we're wandering around committing bearicide we bump into a random fellow, just hanging out in the middle of nowhere. If nowhere was populated by psychotic bears. The question needs to be asked, why isn't he dead? Is he in league with the bears?
Looking for a good time? Or maybe some bears?
But wait, that name looks familiar.... Don't I have a quest to find this guy?
Royalist Bears?!?!
Right. well, no need to go talking to random strangers trying to find him. He's right here in front of me. That should save a lot of time and....
No. He won't talk to me at all. Just sits there being an uncooperative dick. Fine. BE THAT WAY. I'll just go and do something else for a bit. Good luck with not getting raped and killed by all the BEARS.
Wait. Maybe THAT'S what he's here for. No wonder he wanted to get rid of me. Remember kids, up to 75% of people you meet online are actually bears. Never agree to meet them out in the middle of the wilderness where no one can hear you scream.
So, let's try in a different direction. Maybe up into the snowy mountains? That's the logical place for a wizards tower I suppose. Oh but first we've got to get back there. You know what that means.
See, told you there were bandits as well.
Anyway, we get back to the base of the mountain, where there are marginally less bears to deal with. There are however a few Elementals wandering around.
Insert bad pun here
But they're a lot more chilled out than the bears, so it's all good. Up we go, into the grim and frostbitten mountains, no doubt blasting a bit of Immortal whilst we're at it. I mean why not?
Half way up we find a base camp, so stop of for a bit of a rest. Whilst we're here we can also ask where that guy I ALREADY FOUND is. Who do we need to ask?
Did you know that women have boobies?
Power Girl. Right then. Moving on...
Up the mountains, searching for a hidden enclave of wizardly might. What arcane sorceries may be hiding it from mortal view? What obtuse riddles as mystical puzzles must I solve to gain some clue of it's location?
Can you say "overcompensating"?
Well, I guess that could be it. Fair enough. I guess if you're going to build a big stone dick replacement then you're gonna want people to see it. Though that does kind of beg the question why it's up a mountain surrounded by bears. But I digress. Now let's see about learning some mighty elemental magics from a grand master of ultimate wizardry!
Just because it burns when you pee does not mean you're a fire mage
Well, I guess it's technically less slutty than the last one. Though fire magic or not I have to wonder about how practical that outfit is when you live up the top of a snow covered mountain. Maybe she has +1 thermal undies?
Anyway, here's the deal. She'll show me some demo mage powers if I protect from a bunch of nasties whilst she's engaged in some very important standing there like a lemon. The only downside is this will give me.... AMNESIA!! And I'll forget my monkey magics. This is a little disappointing, but variety is the spice of life, so what the hey, we'll give it a go. So yeah, she stands there and a bunch of Ice Elementals bum rush the stage, only to die horribly at the hands of my new powers of fiery doom. Though frankly my existing powers of necromaniacal tomfoolery seem to do just as well, if not better. It's all fun enough, but I can't help wondering if maybe there isn't something a little better....
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