Let's Play Guild Wars Part The Third: An Appointment With I.G.N.O.M.I.N.I.O.U.S. D.E.A.T.H.

After A brief respite in the fever dream of reality, it's time to return the world of games.

The story so far: I his ongoing quest to find new and interesting ways of killing new and interesting people, our intrepid hero Myo has taken to wandering the countryside accompanied by a young girl. Whilst this may not, on the surface, strike you as a particularly dark and sinister thing to do it does have to be said that murder takes on whole new dynamic when accompanied by a skipping child.

 La dee da, just another regular day....

For her part Gwen seems remarkably unfussed about whats going on and is either in shock at what the fishmen were doing with her flute, or is actually FUCKING CRAZY.

To be fair, that would be a reasonable reaction to the world around us, populated as it is with monsters, murderers and the incredibly lazy. It's odd how peoples "duties" seem to prevent them doing anything outside of asking other people to do their jobs for them.

Now, since several of these jobs are hideously dangerous you can appreciate why someone sane would want to get out of them. However when we have someone who's so busy standing around that they can't even be bothered to pay their rent?

I'd do it myself, but I really can't be bothered.

Here's a tip mate. I'm not even going to tell you to go see your friend yourself. Instead I'd advise GETTING A FUCKING JOB rather than standing around a courtyard all day. Unless that IS his job. In which case he's shit out of luck. As previously discussed, judging by their appearance most of the ladies around here are in the same line of work.

Anyway, since I'm not sane I'm quite happy to soak up silly and dangerous quests from anyone who's got the punctuation.  And it's due to this shocking lack of discrimination on my part that I fin myself off to the cozy little hamlet of Ashford, where I will die an ignominious death.

See, there's some gribblies around there that need killing. So rather than call in the police, the army, or some form of expert, they get me. Go talk to the head bint about the gribblies I'm told. Righto. So off we trot, stopping off for a quick murder on the side.

He's a firestarter. Soon to be twisted pile of ex-firestarter

And so we find the head bint, and bring up the subject of said gribblies. Her response? Let's go get them. RIGHT NOW. And she runs off to face the teaming hordes. Somewhat confused I follow. Up the road, over the bridge and here they come!!

For some reason he's not pleased to see me.

And so she heroically buggers off for a minute, leaving me to face them alone. And by "them" I mean the ground. And by "face" I mean what I was lying ON.

That's one DEAD motherfucker...

Thanks bitch. This WAS your idea.

There's a bright light, and then....

There are Chocobos in heaven?

I'm back at the village by some sort of shrine. Death has no power over me!!! I am immortal!!!!

Right, let's try this again shall we. A short run up the road and... They're all dead. And there's that smug bitch standing there without a scratch on her. Nice. So they all get distracted killing me, and then you pop in and take them out with a sneak attack. What with not actually being visible for any point of the fight up to that point.

Still, I guess the fact that I survived must have spooked her a little, since she actually coughs up the reward. wasn't expecting to actually have to PAY, were you?

Note the complete lack of guilt.

Anyway, screw this noise, I need to go learn some better necromancy.