Let's Play Guild Wars Part The Fourth: I Lurk Where This Is Going.

So, having proved my ultimate mastery over the forces of life and death by dying like a bitch I figure maybe it's time to stop buggering around doing odd jobs OF DEATH and actually look at some at getting some training. Luckily I get a tip about a Necromancer who may be able to teach me some summoning magic. Apparently they're hanging around some abbey or other.

Well, anythings better than a bright sunny field of flowers. Let's check it out.

No under 18s admitted.

Oh yeah, this is much more like it. Only a shame it's till daytime. It's hard to be sinister when it's so nice out. Still, one does ones best. Sadly Gwen isn't allowed in. You must be at least this high to enter the catacombs? Probably for the best, the place is full of priests after all, and hate for anything untoward to happen before I get the chance to sacrifice her. Ritual void if seal is broken and all that.

So, leaving my young ward in the safety of a deserted wilderness crawling with hideous monsters I head into the abbey. There's a few nutters monks hanging around. Ones very keen that I rush back to the city to tell the authorities that he had a bad dream, but I can think of better thing to do with time. For example this other monk who will teach me some new skills if I help out his retarded mate retrieve something from the catacombs. Well, I'm headed that way already, so why not? So I get taught a healing spell to help muppet boy stay alive as he trudges through the fetid poisonous waters of the depths. Quite why you couldn't just teach HIM how to do that I'm not sure. Even better, buy him some decent boots. That's do the job, right?

Still, that's all a secondary concern. The main business after all is to learn ourselves some grim blasphemous sorceries of the damned. Onwards, towards damnation!

Another strong female role model.

Oh, I'm sorry. I appear to have come to the wrong place. I was looking for a necromancer. Still, no point in wasting an opportunity. How much for a...

Oh. You ARE a necromancer? Doesn't that get a bit draughty in all those midnight graveyards and shadowy crypts? Oh, never mind. What you do in your free time is your own business. I'm not here to judge. So how about you help raise something up? IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN (I mean zombies).

Does it live in a dark dark crypt in a dark dark catacomb?

A Dark Entity? A Dark Dark Entity of Darkness? And it feeds on the flesh of the living? Now we're talking. This is all so much more goth. Right, I'm on. I finally get minions!!!

Rolling with my crew.

Well, almost. See, the problem with dark evil crypts is they tend to be inhabited by skeletons. And once you've finished convincing the skeletons to lay back down again there's not really enough working parts left over for any thing special. Still, there's a few convenient giant scorpion corpses lying right next to the deadly deadly fire traps, so it works out in the sense of not dying. And thus we plunge into the dank depths of the dark crypt of darkness to confront the fearsome dark entity of darkness.

Hint: It's the dark bit.

A hideous feral shadow lurks within the crypt, rank with the foul stench of fear and death. All who have come before it have died, screaming in torment as it feasts upon their very souls, their flesh rent by fangs of living shadow sharper than scythes and colder than the grave. What chance do I have against a beast such as this?

Did I mention that monk from earlier taught me holy magic? Is that considered cheating? Seriously, the bitch dropped faster than Munne's drawers at the mention of gold. As epic battles go, that wasn't one. If the last guy got eaten then maybe he was made of fail and poison.

On the way out I remember to help out that monk, since I guess I do owe for the holy magic. A quick trudge through the poisonous mire does highlight one small flaw in the plan. Sure, I can cast heal on him, but who's meant to cast heal on me? I'm getting the impression that there are certain missions I'm not supposed to survive. Maybe this is how the monks keep their catacombs stocked with the restless dead? After surviving I'm offered a full time position of part time monkdom, but I'm not sure I really wanna work for these guys. Though I guess I would fit in, what with the molestation and grave desecration angles. Still, there's the tantalizing hint that I may be able to snag a few more demo skills from the various other class trainers.

This warrants further investigation.