Let's Play Guild Wars Part The Seventh: Choking The Chicken

Okay, that was weird. But I'm fine now. I've had a little break and now time seems to be moving in the right direction again. Forwards, rather than side to side.

So, what the hell was I even doing?

Wizardry! That was it. I'm off to see the wizard, the impractically dressed wizard up the frozen mountain in the middle of nowhere. Right, glad we got that sorted. So, skipping from town to camp in order to avoid the bears we nip up to the tower of wizardry (and not small penii). Do I really want to irrevocably commit myself to being a part time wizard? What, doesn't the amnesia work anymore or something? Or are wizards amnesia proof? That could be handy, but then again there are some things it's definitely better to forget.

But I can't remember what they are, so okay. Let's sign up. And so she's all "yeah cool, here's some spells and stuff. Now go see power girl back at the camp, and she'll tell you some other stuff I really can't be bothered to. Because I'm so busy standing in the middle of this desolate wilderness, on my own, doing NOTHING"

Thanks bitch. Fine, back down the bloody mountain it is.

So is making him explode in welter of gore and entrails, but I don't see you offering THAT on the menu.

So, back up the bloody mountain the. Thanks Bitch.

I'm really only here for the mana buffs, you do know that right? Still, whatever.I wearily trudge up high into the snowy mountains without my zombie minions and with but a handful of elemental spells I am sent forth to slay the mighty beast. Go me. And Elemental magics are okay. I mean the whole fire lightning thing is alright if you're really into it, but you know what sort of magic really works in a fight?

Fucking DEATH MAGIC. Guess what that does?

It does exactly what it says on the tin

Though I guess to be fair that might have something to do with me concentrating on it to the exclusion of else. But, in my defence: MINIONS. You know it makes sense.

Anyway, I am now officially a wizard, Harry. So to what ends will I turn the titanic energies at my call now?

There's a chicken gone missing. Clearly it's up to me to go find it. Why me? Because it was.... kidnapped by an evil cult? And they took it down to the catacombs?

Chicken F_cker. Care to take a vowel?

Well, as a Necromancer I AM qualified to lurk in catacombs. Okay, sure. I'll go look for the chicken-chocobo-whatever in the dark catacombs populated by flesh eating undead and the forces of darkness. I'm sure it's fine down there and simply needs rescuing, so don't worry yourself, oh babbling peasant.

Sorry Mario, but your chicken is in another plane of existence

No. No, it's fucking dead. WHO WOULD HAVE BELIEVED IT? An evil cult steals livestock and sacrifices it to some dark god rather than hold it hostage? Shocking. Whatever have evil cults come to?

Still, I've gotta say that's an awful lot of candles for just one chicken.

Illustrated: a rather grandiose fire hazard

I mean, what do you suppose they hoping to get out of all this?

Dance Off Of Darkness.

Oh. It's one of those. Slightly harder than the last one I fought. Maybe it's because I forgot the holy magic I had last time, or maybe the last guy used a hamster instead of a chicken. I dunno. Either way if there's one thing I've learnt in my travels it's that killing the shit out of something makes it dead. So I do that and head back off to the surface with my shocking tragic news.

And then he exploded

Wow. He seems really upset. Not that I honestly care, I'm only in it for the loot and flimsy excuse to commit violence.