Still, if I can't be sinister and evil, I'm going to be creepy and evil. So I buy some presents for Gwen from the store. Sadly there's no puppies or candy on sale (or indeed anything I actually want to buy myself), but I can get her a new flute and a cloak.
See, deep down she KNOWS this will not end well.
I'm not going soft though. I'm... err... Lulling her into a false sense of security. Before I sacrifice her. To, y'know, EVIL and stuff.
Alright, fine. I admit it. I like having her around. Somehow my pitched battles with hideous creatures just wouldn't be the same without her innocently skipping about the place.
Anyway, aside from soliciting minors, what was the plan for the day? Go find more powers, that was it.
But first, a few odd jobs whilst we're in the neighbourhood. And all at once I am transformed into the necromantical equivalent of rentokill. On the menu today: Invertebrate vermin. There's an infestation of worms in the field. Okay, how hard can that be?
In soviet guild wars, worms have you.
Okay....Still, if there's one thing about worms, even giant worms with six inch fangs, it's that they're not exactly renowned for their armour. Shockingly slicing them up with zombie claws and pumping them full of death magic is fairly effective at making them not live anymore. Same as most things really.
Okay, whats next? Cave full of bugs? No problems. I'll just go in and....
Did I accidentally warp to Australia or something?
You know, I really do think that everyone I talk to around here is actually just trying to get me killed. Still, with the aid of my patented "Horde Of Ravenous Flesh Eating Zombies" cleaning technology soon the area is cleansed of all life. Well, almost all. Outside there was some nutter who wanted me to protect his hapless minion whilst he went to gather giant hideous death scorpion eggs, and I like a fool agreed. It only occurs to me now that the reason they were doing this is to raise up a new brood of the damn things so they can con hapless adventurers into going and fighting them. Sending fools to their death is apparently a major hobby in these parts. Amongst the human population that is. The monster population has it's own set of bizarre pass times. Such as the wildly popular "putting things that aren't really designed to fir in a very personal place" game. It's not just confined to the fish monster you know. I suppose it's not unusual to assume that the proclivities of mutant arachnoid's might be a trifle... Unusual. But Maces? BOWS?!?! Seriously, it's a wonder they're capable of laying any eggs at all after that lot.
Anyway, I soon tire of buggering about here (see what I did there? Gods I'm funny.). Anything else happening? Well, I could retrieve a box of gold for that cow who got me killed a while back, but frankly I'd rather steal the gold and fill the box with exploding death bees before returning it to her.
Not a bomb. Honest.
Anything else?
ORLY?
Well, that's an alarming mastery of understatement you've got going on there. Still, I seem to have several bear pelts on my person right now FOR SOME REASON. So no need to run back to Bearville (where the streets are paved with bears) just yet.
My patience, if not my options, for the moment exhausted, I quest forth to seek the powers of Mesmerism. After a hard, long trek I find them available just outside the city gates. How'd I not see that before? (Hint: To busy killing fishmen). The other surprising fact is that this is the least dressed like a hooker class trainer we've met yet!
Maybe she's one of those EXPENSIVE hookers.
I can only guess there's some sort of fabric shortage on, as even a high society type like this can't afford enough for a dress that goes all the way round. So, tell me oh wise one. What task must I perform to learn the mystic arts of mesmerism?
Oh... You want me to fight a cow? An EVIL cow? Sure. Whatever. I'm sure it's a completely diabolical bovine with a heart as black as pitch. No, really. Let us sally forth and fight the demon bull!!
Sure enough, just across the way is a bull, terribly minding it's own business in a thoroughly menacing fashion. At least it was until I turned it into metaphorical barbecue. I would have done actual barbecue, but the elementalist spells got amnesiafied in favor of this mentalist crap.
Yeah, I said it. I'm not impressed here. Whilst the elementalist stuff was kind of useful but not exciting, these abilities are just kind of.... there. Not really complementing my own personal brand of killing everything that moves and raising up their corpses in a twisted unliving parody of flesh to then kill their friends and so the cycle begins anew kind of thing.
Still, I've got a couple more options to try. Let's see... Warrior? Gay. Ranger? Eurgh. ELF gay. No thanks. I guess we'll be heading back up the mountain then. Except, I don't feel so well. Everything seemed fine, but then...
I started to get this strange feeling of...
Deja vu...
this strange feeling of...
Deja Vu
Which, in addition to this strange feeling of Deja Vu....
Combined with this strange feeling of Deja Vu I've been experiencing...
has left me a little dissorientat.....
....sorientate.....
....rientated
Can you catch lag from scorpions? Or maybe I simply can't handle the mentalist stuff and am now having an embolism. Either way I think I better go and lie down for a while.
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